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> DECEMBER 2008 December 30, 2008 Mets want Jones like a lesbian wants weiner
However just as Dodger fans were beginning to think they were getting a late Christmas present, reports of a pending trade were quickly dismissed on Tuesday by sources who actually knew what they were talking about. There wasn’t an official comment from the Mets, but you’d figure it would’ve been something like this: Andruw Jones? Are you fucking kidding? The only conceivable way the Mets would consider Jones would be if the Dodgers considered Luis Castillo, New York’s own contract nightmare. Thankfully, it seems that someone in the Dodgers organization has explained to Ned Colletti that a guy named Blake DeWitt is the Dodgers’ second baseman. “You mean Casey Blake?” replied Colletti. December 23, 2008
The Dodgers are obviously reluctant to go more than two years, and I don’t see Boras or Ramirez admitting defeat by accepting a 2-year offer—especially after the season he had, and despite the fact that the market for Manny has seemingly been soft. We’re talking about Scott Boras here. It’s going to take three guaranteed years to get Manny, and if the Dodgers won’t offer it, someone else will—even if that someone isn’t in New York, Boston, or Chicago. The Giants need a replacement for Bonds, and three years of Manny might do the trick. The Orioles lost out on Teixeira, so don’t count them out either. Still, though, I can’t help but feel like he belongs in Los Angeles. And if three years would help the player and Boras feel the same way, I say do it. We probably wouldn’t get the same Manny we saw for two months last season, but we’d get a Manny far superior to anything else the Dodgers would be putting on the field. (Nothing against Mark Loretta, of course.) Plus, with a two-man rotation, it might be a good idea to score some runs. So if Frank, Jamie, and Ned want to get into the holiday spirit and show Dodger fans the love that 3.5 million fans show them each season, show Manny the money. December 17, 2008
The kicker is that the new contract—supposedly $30 million over three years with a club option for a fourth year (that automatically kicks in if Furcal is healthy in 2011)—is pretty friggin’ reasonable. I mean, not reasonable in the sense that thousands of people making $30K a year are being laid off every day, but reasonable compared to countless other contracts that have been signed in the last year or two. Furcal can play ball, and when he’s healthy, there’s no better leadoff man. I’d much rather take a risk with Furcal’s health than watch a platoon of Mark Loretta, Angel Berroa, and the guy who changed my oil last week. How Colletti went about the whole thing is a little bizarre, but what’s Ned if not retarded? If Atlanta is pissed about the whole thing, too goddamn bad. They can take their tomahawk chop and shove it up Dale Murphy’s ass. December 16, 2008
A light-hitting Juan Pierre? Sure—$44 million! An injured Jason Schmidt? Yep—$47 million! A .220 hitting centerfielder? Eighteen million a year. A totally mediocre Casey Blake? A three-year deal. But Rafael Furcal—with a clean bill-of-health, many years still ahead of him, and the ability to energize a team? Nah, we’ll pass. Or will they? As I started writing this Tuesday afternoon upon news that Furcal had signed a 3-year, $30 million deal with the Atlanta Braves after the Dodgers refused to guarantee a third year, there was suddenly word that the deal with Atlanta wasn’t a done deal. Why the confusion? Three words: Ned Friggin’ Colletti. Whether to save face or out of some sudden realization that Furcal wasn’t accepting the Dodgers’ crappy offer, Colletti was back in the game. It’s not exactly clear if the Dodgers new offer includes anything more than a massage from Nancy Bea (or even if there is a new offer), but leave it to the Dodgers to dick around. Why Colletti is so hesitant to pull the trigger on Furcal, I don’t exactly understand. Sure, considering his injuries over the last couple years, a long-term contract is a risk—but not nearly the risk of some of the other absurd contracts Ned has dished out. And what’s riskier: Furcal for three years, or knowing that you may have guys like Orlando Cabrera, Mark Loretta, Chin-lung Hu, Alex Cora, and Juan Castro playing shortstop through 2011? The Dodgers offense is set to be a pathetic mix of vaginal discharge in 2009, which maybe they could get away with if they had pitching, but…um… they’ve lost Derek Lowe, Brad Penny and Greg Maddux—and Chad Billingsley has a broken leg. Assuming Furcal ends up in Atlanta, there’s reason for Dodger fans to be pretty damn pissed. At this point it looks like the Dodgers aren’t going after the premier free agents, refuse to offer enough to the ones they do pursue, and at the same time are planning another $500/person “Under the Lights” event at the stadium. Sounds like the McCourts must have their sights set on a new Malibu beachhouse. December 12, 2008
Saito picked up where Eric Gagne left off in 2006—saving 81 games in three seasons— but now he’s 38 and coming off an elbow injury. If you can’t count on a closer day in and day out, you end up dropping guys into the role on a temporary basis, and we all know how that’s turned out in the past. Jonathan Broxton is big, strong, and intimidating. But until someone teaches him how to pitch, he’s not a closer. You can’t get by on a 98-mph fastball if that’s all you throw. Broxton is a set-up man, and the Dodgers are a better team when that’s his role (well, except in Game 4 of the NLCS, of course, which still makes me want to puke up my lunch). As for the next Dodgers closer, I don’t have the answer. I don’t think it’s Hong-Chih Kuo, and it’s certainly not Trevor Hoffman. The Mets have already gobbled up a couple closers this week, so Colletti ought to get his ass in gear while he’s waiting for Manny Ramirez to say, “Sure, I’ll take a two-year deal and spend the two years talking about how the Dodgers don’t respect me.” Guess what, Manny—gas is down. December 9, 2008
Regardless of what happens with Loretta, Joe Torre’s Opening Day lineup has one less hole, as the Dodgers also announced the signing of Casey Blake to a three-year, $17 million contract. In typical Ned Colletti fashion, the Dodgers offered Blake a three-year deal even though there was essentially no competition. Only one other team seemed to be a serious bidder, and they apparently withdrew their offer after Blake turned down a two-year deal. I imagine the conversation between Blake and the Dodgers going something like this:
Let’s face it—Blake isn’t that good. I’m not sure why the entire Dodger organization seems to have a hard-on for this guy, but now I get to spend three years figuring it out. He’s a .260 hitter, hits about 20 home runs a year, and certainly isn’t anything special with the glove… and at age 35, he’s not getting any better. Look, I don’t have a problem with the guy, but I’m just not so sure I want him around until 2011. At least it’s interesting to think about the little creatures crawling around in that beard. December 4, 2008
Meanwhile, when Colletti isn’t searching for a lousy shortstop, he’s busy scanning the AARP membership lists for over-the-hill pitchers. Actually, he’s looking at guys who are so far over the hill, they can’t even see the fucking hill anymore: Trevor Hoffman, Randy Johnson, and Andy Pettite. Too bad Herb Score died a couple weeks ago. That must have really bummed Ned out.
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While there was no news about Manny on Monday, there was talk about something just as exciting: a trade that would send Andruw Jones to the Mets. The Dodgers, of course, would pay a portion of what remains on Jones’ contract ($15 million, plus $7 million in bonuses over the next two seasons) to get him off their hands. The Mets, it was reported, would play Jones in right field, flanking Carlos Beltran.
Now that Mark Teixeira is a Yankee (and thank God, because I couldn’t bear the thought of having to spell his name on a daily basis), baseball talk turns to one dreadlocked Dominican. But how much talking is there really to do? Manny’s not going to New York (well, at least not to the Mets), he’s not going to the Angels (by their own admission), he’s sure as hell not going back to Boston, and I doubt he’s going to Washington—at least I doubt Manny would want to play there. But that’s the problem. What Scott Boras’s clients want really doesn’t matter. So while Los Angeles still seems like the logical fit for Manny (or “the player,” as Ned Colletti might refer to him as), this isn’t about logic. It’s not about where Manny would play the best ball, it’s not about where Manny has the best chance of earning a ring, and it’s not about where Manny would be the most comfortable. It’s purely about the money. Even Manny will tell you that. In fact, he already did: “Gas is up and so am I,” he said moments after the season ended. So maybe Manny is Boras’ perfect client—a guy with talent, a guy with flair, and a guy willing to sacrifice what’s in his best interest for an extra year on a contract.
I take back everything I’ve ever said about Ned Colletti. Well, maybe not everything (or anything), but as someone who blasts the shit out of him on a daily basis (or bi-weekly, these days), I suppose I have to give him credit on this one. (You have no idea how difficult that was to write.) With Rafael Furcal all but packed for Atlanta and the 2009 season looking more and more pathetic for the Dodgers, Ned swooped in, matched the Braves’ offer, and kept Raffy in Los Angeles. At least that’s what’s being reported this evening. Considering that last night’s reports had him getting a reach-around from Ted Turner, I’m not sure I’ll believe Furcal is a Dodger until I see him leading off on Opening Day.
If you’ve ever wondered how exactly Ned Colletti decides which players he’s seriously going to pursue and which he won’t, look no further. I’ve narrowed it down to three possible strategies: (1) He picks something out of his moustache and if it resembles a player, he goes after him, (2) He consults a psychic that operates out of a tent near Sunset and Figueroa, or (3) He determines what the intelligent move is—and does the opposite.
When you take your family to Dodger Stadium next season, good luck recognizing anyone on the field. The Dodgers roster continued its turnover on Friday, with Takashi Saito, Scott Proctor, Angel Berroa, and Yhency Brazoban becoming free agents. All can still technically re-sign with the team, but the question is—especially with Saito—what’s the point?
When you’re sitting around with your buddies ten years from now, goofing on former utility men who spent a year on the Dodgers, one of you is bound to come up with a gem: Mark Loretta. The Dodgers signed the 36-year-old to a 1-year deal on Tuesday worth $1.25 million, giving them a backup infielder and veteran pinch-hitter. Jeez, gonna be tough for him to compete with what Mark Sweeney did last season off the bench. For $1 million, Loretta isn’t necessarily a bad pick-up—unless of course he’s the starting shortstop come Opening Day (in which case you might as well gurgle your own vomit). 
In Ned Colletti’s quest to downgrade at every position this offseason, the Dodgers are apparently pursuing shortstop Jack Wilson of the Pirates. Wilson has been on the Pirates his entire career, and maybe that’s because Pittsburgh is where a player of Wilson’s caliber belongs. He hit .272 last year during an injury-plagued season, and has a career on-base percentage of .312 (more than 30 points lower than Juan Pierre’s mediocre OBP). Wilson is solid defensively, but if that’s what you’re going for, find a guy making $400,000, not $7.25 million. And if you're looking for defense, fine, but who the hell is providing the offense? Thankfully there are some sticking points right now—namely the Pirates’ reluctance to pay part of Wilson’s salary and the Dodgers’ reluctance to give up Delwyn Young and Chin-Lung Hu. Apparently the Dodgers are still under the belief that Hu has a future in the organization. (If he does, $100 bucks says it’s as an usher.) Anyway, here's hoping the Tigers bump up their offer for Wilson and he ends up in Detroit. Frankly, I'd rather the Dodgers just play their third baseman in the hole and leave an empty spot in the batting order.