February
27, 2003 Grapefruit
League Begins with a Flash(back)
It's
a new season, and a new team, but everything seemed very familiar
on Thursday. The Dodgers opened up the preseason with a 6-5 victory
over the Tigers, but the game was true blue. You had a Dodger reliever
(Calvin Maduro) blowing a 9th inning lead, and a former Dodger (Hiram
Bocachica) picking up two hits and making a couple great plays with
the glove. With the Dodgers up by a run in the 9th, Maduro—competing
for a spot in the bullpen—made a memorable Dodger debut, immediately
giving up a two-run homer. Just one game, and it's already clear
that Maduro does indeed belong in the Dodgers' pen. On a brighter
note, Larry Barnes—who has been fooled into thinking he has
a chance of making the team—knocked in two in the bottom of
the ninth to give the Dodgers the win. And Mike Kinkade, who will
become the Dodgers regular first baseman when Fred McGriff goes
on the DL in May, hit a pair of solo homers, treating the fans to
his ridiculous home run sprints.
February
21, 2003 First
Piazza, now Koufax
Dodger
legend Sandy Koufax has severed all ties with the team after the
Murdoch-owned New York Post suggested that he was gay. While we're
certainly in no position to judge good journalism, it's obvious
that such a statement is low, inappropriate, and unfounded. (If
they had incriminating pictures, however, it would be a different
story.) Just because a man has a girl's name doesn't make him gay.
Clearly Rupert Murdoch isn't the one who put pen to paper (or fingers
to keys), but it's convenient to hold him personally responsible
for the loss of Koufax anyway. Murdoch's crew comes in and immediately
deals future hall-of-famer Mike Piazza. Then Hiram Bocachica is
traded. And now Koufax. Note to Vin Scully: watch your back. While
you'd like to hope that Koufax wouldn't punish the Dodgers themselves
for the Post's gossip, his principles are strong, and it wasn't
a matter of choice. While his presence at Vero Beach will certainly
be missed by many (although he was the one who supposedly
helped Terry Mulholland "perfect" his curve ball last
spring), the worst part is that he'll probably end up with the Yankees.
Just another reason why the sale of the Dodgers can't come soon
enough.
February
17, 2003 Ashby
Attacked by Pitching Machine
Beginning
spring training in comedic fashion, Andy Ashby was injured on Saturday
by a pitching machine gone nuts. While practicing bunting—a
joke in itself—Ashby apparently flinched to get away from a
pitch high and tight. His back twinged, and the ball ended up scraping
his knee. Must have been a pretty sight. A guy panics that the ball
is about to hit his face, and it hits his knee. That's like Shawn
Green reaching over the right field fence for a ball hit to shortstop.
Truly impressive. Meanwhile, Andy Ashby's agent has launched a comprehensive
investigation into what went wrong with the machine. Preliminary
information suggests that Wilson Alvarez
booby-trapped the machine in an effort to create a spot for himself
on the roster. In other devastating Dodger news, Quilvio Veras,
Yorkis Perez and Jose Diaz are having visa trouble and have yet
to report to camp. My god, what if Yorkis Perez isn't ready for
opening day?
February
11, 2003 Predictable,
but Predictions Nonetheless
With
the start of spring training just days away, we're breaking out
our Dodger Blues crystal ball for some pre-season predictions. (The
crystal ball, by the way, will be selling at Dodger Stadium souvenir
stands for just $119.50.) So, without further ado, the predictions
for spring training:
The Dodgers will bat a collective .220, and Jim Tracy will tell
the media that pre-season numbers don't mean much.
Cesar
Izturis will hit .340, and Jim Tracy will tell the media that
his numbers are a sign of maturity.
The
Dodgers will wear nauseating green hats on St. Patrick's Day.
(Eric Gagne, however, will actually wear his blue hat, but the
mold will fool everyone.)
Ross
Porter will be found wandering nude on the beach.
Daryle
Ward will be found eating the beach.
Todd
Hundley will claim he's 100% for the first time in years... and
then proceed to throw a 6-hopper to second base.
In
a simulation game, Darren Dreifort's arm will actually separate
from his shoulder, landing halfway between the mound and home
plate. However, Dr. Frank Jobe will re-attach it, and all future
re-attachments will come to be known as "Darren Dreifort
Surgery."
Maury
Wills will hold mandatory bunting clinics for the pitching staff,
but only Dave Roberts will show up.
By
April 1st, Kevin Brown's goatee will match the color of his pants.
Dan
Evans will sit in the stands for each game, yet somehow won't
get a tan.
Mark
Grudzielanek's uniform letters will be recycled, and partially
used on Daryle Ward's jersey.
It's
a new season, and a new team, but everything seemed very familiar
on Thursday. The Dodgers opened up the preseason with a 6-5 victory
over the Tigers, but the game was true blue. You had a Dodger reliever
(Calvin Maduro) blowing a 9th inning lead, and a former Dodger (Hiram
Bocachica) picking up two hits and making a couple great plays with
the glove. With the Dodgers up by a run in the 9th, Maduro—competing
for a spot in the bullpen—made a memorable Dodger debut, immediately
giving up a two-run homer. Just one game, and it's already clear
that Maduro does indeed belong in the Dodgers' pen. On a brighter
note, Larry Barnes—who has been fooled into thinking he has
a chance of making the team—knocked in two in the bottom of
the ninth to give the Dodgers the win. And Mike Kinkade, who will
become the Dodgers regular first baseman when Fred McGriff goes
on the DL in May, hit a pair of solo homers, treating the fans to
his ridiculous home run sprints.
Dodger
legend Sandy Koufax has severed all ties with the team after the
Murdoch-owned New York Post suggested that he was gay. While we're
certainly in no position to judge good journalism, it's obvious
that such a statement is low, inappropriate, and unfounded. (If
they had incriminating pictures, however, it would be a different
story.) Just because a man has a girl's name doesn't make him gay.
Clearly Rupert Murdoch isn't the one who put pen to paper (or fingers
to keys), but it's convenient to hold him personally responsible
for the loss of Koufax anyway. Murdoch's crew comes in and immediately
deals future hall-of-famer Mike Piazza. Then Hiram Bocachica is
traded. And now Koufax. Note to Vin Scully: watch your back. While
you'd like to hope that Koufax wouldn't punish the Dodgers themselves
for the Post's gossip, his principles are strong, and it wasn't
a matter of choice. While his presence at Vero Beach will certainly
be missed by many (although he was the one who supposedly
helped Terry Mulholland "perfect" his curve ball last
spring), the worst part is that he'll probably end up with the Yankees.
Just another reason why the sale of the Dodgers can't come soon
enough.
Beginning
spring training in comedic fashion, Andy Ashby was injured on Saturday
by a pitching machine gone nuts. While practicing bunting—a
joke in itself—Ashby apparently flinched to get away from a
pitch high and tight. His back twinged, and the ball ended up scraping
his knee. Must have been a pretty sight. A guy panics that the ball
is about to hit his face, and it hits his knee. That's like Shawn
Green reaching over the right field fence for a ball hit to shortstop.
Truly impressive. Meanwhile, Andy Ashby's agent has launched a comprehensive
investigation into what went wrong with the machine. Preliminary
information suggests that Wilson Alvarez
booby-trapped the machine in an effort to create a spot for himself
on the roster. In other devastating Dodger news, Quilvio Veras,
Yorkis Perez and Jose Diaz are having visa trouble and have yet
to report to camp. My god, what if Yorkis Perez isn't ready for
opening day?
With
the start of spring training just days away, we're breaking out
our Dodger Blues crystal ball for some pre-season predictions. (The
crystal ball, by the way, will be selling at Dodger Stadium souvenir
stands for just $119.50.) So, without further ado, the predictions
for spring training: