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Meanwhile, the Dodgers gave up three minor leaguers to get Burnitz, but don't believe for a second that those guys are as bad as Evans makes them out to be (especially since one of them was a two-time minor league batting champion). "The core of our top prospects was not harmed on this one," Evans said. Well of course that's what he'd say. Would you expect him to praise the guys he just traded? You can just hear it, "Well, these guys were the best prospects we had and the Mets are lucky to steal them from us." No way. Evans knows that most Dodger fans are idiots, so he can spew crap without worrying about being called on it. Anyway, at the very least, we've got Rickey's third-person speech to goof on. "Rickey like Los Angeles. Rickey going for stolen base number four-thousand. Rickey have sagging balls."
And that was just three months. July
11, 2003
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10, 2003
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9, 2003
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8, 2003
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7, 2003
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6, 2003
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5, 2003
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1, 2003
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If
this was 1994, Robin Ventura might have been a good pickup. But
it's not 1994. Cory Snyder, Jeff Treadway, and Mitch Webster are
not on the team. It's not 1994. Sadly, it's 2003. Sadly, Robin Ventura
is 36. Sadly, he bats lefty. And sadly, Dan Evans is securing his
place alongside Kevin Malone in Dodger Hell. Apparently the dye
in Evans' pink shirts has seeped into his brain. While he does deserve
credit for not giving up anyone too special (Bubba Crosby will not
be good), sometimes you've got to give up talent to get talent.
Instead, Evans has taken the cheap road once again. This time, however,
that was probably the right road to take. The trade for Ventura
was undoubtedly aimed more at pacifying the critics than it was
an honest attempt to improve the team. As clueless as Dodger management
is, they're smart enough to know the season is over. They know damn
well that Robin Ventura isn't going to help. And you know damn well
that we've contradicted ourselves about five times in the last three
sentences. Evans is a jackass. Evans made the right move. Evans
is a jackass. Evans made the right move. Oh, who the fuck knows.
Really, who cares? As much as we'd like the Dodgers to pull off
some blockbuster trade, even that probably wouldn't make a difference.
It's time for the Dodgers to just accept defeat, bend over, and
get screwed in the ass by the rest of the league. Thursday was a
good start.
This
could be a first, but after the Dodgers' 2-0 loss on Tuesday, we're
at a loss for words. Well... that's not completely true—a few
words do come to mind. Among them: shit, total shit, piece of shit,
complete shit, shitty as hell, shittier than hell, absolutely shitty,
and never been shittier. You're not reading it here first, but it's
worth repeating: the Dodgers have scored ONE run in the last FORTY
innings. ONE RUN. And it was knocked in by the Dodgers' worst hitter.
Over the years the Dodgers have had some bad hitters, but never
before have they had 25 of them on the same roster. Jim Tracy and
Dan Evans would like us to believe that the Dodgers will snap out
of their funk, but they might as well change the team name to "Funk."
We're three days from August, and things are not getting better—only
worse. Jeromy Burnitz and Rickey Henderson have done nothing to
improve the team, Shawn Green still blows, and even Paul Lo Duca
is falling apart. And to top it off, Jack Clark still has his job—and
headaches. The way things are going, the Dodgers might want to think
twice about having Foam Finger night on August 8th.
It
should come as no surprise that the Dodgers scored just two runs
over the weekend. Shocking, however, is that they actually managed
to win one of the three games. Hideo Nomo shut down the Diamondbacks
for almost eight innings on Sunday, and Eric Gagne picked up his
35th save. Larry Barnes knocked in the only run with a second inning
double, and the Dodgers moved to within four games of the Wild Card-leading
Phillies. Something isn't right. The Dodgers rank last in the league
in batting, runs, hits, home runs, walks, sacrifice hits, slugging
percentage and on-base percentage, and they continue to lose. Yet,
they're technically still in the race. A team that's just four games
over .500 should not be four games back of the Phillies. A team
whose home run leader has a total of 11 home runs two weeks after
the all-star break should not be four games back of the Phillies.
A team that sends Bubba Crosby to the plate with two outs in the
ninth inning of a one-run game should not be four games back of
the Phillies. A team that consistently makes baseball a total drag
to watch should not be four games back of the Phillies. On a slightly
unrelated note, F Craig Counsell.
Averaging
less than a hit an hour is not particularly good... which makes
perfect sense, because the Dodgers are not particularly good. Quickly
regressing back to their offensively futile ways, the Dodgers went
fifteen innings on Friday, failing to get a hit after the eighth.
Arizona pitchers retired something like 65 straight batters at one
point, with the streak coming to an end in the top of the 15th,
when two walks and a ground out put Dodgers on second and third
with two out. Finally, they had a chance. Finally, guys in scoring
position. Finally... what? Burnitz did what? With the Dodgers' only
real scoring opportunity of the night, Jeromy Burnitz, suddenly
posessed by the spirit of Brett Butler, dropped down a bunt. Douchebag
move. Burnitz was easily thrown out, and that was that. A few minutes
later, the Diamondbacks won the game, just after Jim Tracy had gone
to the mound to "counsel" Paul Quantrill. Any coincidence
that Tracy goes to the mound, and the next batter wins the game?
Maybe. But answer this one: Is there any coincidence that the team
has three coaches named Jim—quite possibly the dullest name
of all time—and the Dodgers are quite possibly the dullest
team of all time? No coincidence there, we guarantee it.
The
Dodgers eeked out a 1-0 win on Thursday, but more importantly, Bubba
is back in town. With the long overdue demotion of Daryle Ward,
the Dodgers recalled outfielder Bubba Crosby, who did absolutely
nothing in nine at-bats earlier in the season. That's the Dodgers
big "shake-up"? They demote Ward and Steve Colyer (who
most people didn't even know was on the team) and they recall Crosby
and 34-year-old reliever Rodney Myers. Yep, that should get the
Dodgers going. Geez, if Bubba and Rodney can't help the team, who
the hell can? Although... maybe Dan Evans is smarter than we think.
After being recalled, Myers said "I can do a lot of things,
whatever they need." So don't be surprised if you see Myers
selling malts in the stands, working at the will call booth, or
combing Eric Gagne's goatee.
We
always knew that Daryle Ward was a smart guy, and finally he's proven
it. Ward's playing time has diminished drastically since the all-star
break, and a blurb in the LA Times on Wednesday discussed his situation...
and yielded one of the greatest Dodger quotes of all-time. Talking
about his lack of playing time, Ward dropped this one: "I just
think they don't want me to play." YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT THEY
DON'T WANT YOU TO PLAY!! YOU'RE AWFUL. YOU'RE BATTING .183. YOU
AREN'T ATHLETIC. YOU KILL RALLIES. YOUR HAIR SCARES PEOPLE. NO F'ING
SHIT THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO PLAY. Keeping Ward on the bench is the
smartest thing Jim Tracy has done in his 2+ years of managing. And
it's not as if Ward wasn't given a chance. He's had more than 100
at-bats—which is about 80 more than a good manager would have
given him. Daryle Ward is honestly upset that he's not getting playing
time?? You've got to be kidding. Meanwhile, the Dodgers were
bombed 8-3 by Colorado on Wednesday, and are now 36 games back.
There
are more than two months left in the 2003 season, but it's time
for the Dodgers to set their sights on the Wild Card. On Monday
they fell ten and a half games back of the Giants in the West, meaning
they haven't got a chance in hell of winning the division. Truth
is, we all know damn well that they haven't got a chance in hell
of winning the Wild Card either, but we won't rain on their parade.
Oh, screw it, let's rain on their parade. There are two teams ahead
of the Dodgers in the Wild Card race, and five more teams within
two games of them. That means there are eight teams within six games
of each other, including the Phillies, Diamondbacks, Cubs, and Cardinals.
The Dodgers are not as good as any of these clubs, and with their
pitching in rapid decline, they may not even be as good as the Expos,
Marlins, or Rockies. Being that the season is a lost cause, we've
got to started praying for brawls. Whether it's between teams, teammates,
or Alex Cora and a drunken fan, we deserve a good brawl. We're not
asking for much.
All
this season, we've been mourning the Dodgers' loss of power. If
they'd just hit a few more home runs, we thought, things would get
better. Well, so much for that. The Dodgers pou nded five home runs
on Sunday, but the Cardinals teed off on Odalis Perez (hitting four
of their own) and came away with a 10-7 victory. When the pitching
is great, the Dodgers offense is shit. When the hitting comes around,
the pitching goes to shit. It's all timing. And the Dodgers' timing
sucks. As does Jeromy Burnitz' glove. While Burnitz hit two of the
Dodgers' home runs, he also over ran a ball for the second time
in as many days. If his defensive ineptitude continues, there's
a good chance he'll end the season with a higher batting average
than fielding percentage. There's also a good chance that the Dodgers
will be 20 games back by the end of July. The Giants won again on
Sunday, pushing the Dodgers nine and a half games back. Worst of
all, with Kevin Brown back on the roster, Chad Hermansen was designated
for assignment. Chad was a sparkplug. A leader. A prankster. Chad
was the glue that held the team together. Things will never be the
same in Los Angeles.
The
Dodgers made it three in a row on Friday night, but more amazing
than that was Daryle Ward's performance. Ward, batting less than
Cesar Izturis' weight, came up with a clutch 2-out pinch hit in
the 6th inning, driving in the go-ahead run. That's not a typo.
Daryle Ward actually knocked in a run—and to top it off, it
was a run that mattered. Ward is now due for his next hit in late
August. He's due for his next hamburger, however, in about five
minutes. Look, there's more to write about the game, but it's all
positive, and where's the fun in that? That's not why you're here.
So we won't waste your time. Go do laundry.
Strolling
through the aisles of Kmart, we were looking for something special.
Just past the piece-of-shit linens and just before the piece-of-shit
lamps, there it was. The $1.99 crystal ball. It was a bit out of
our price range, but it seeemed like a good investment. That is,
until we got it home, turned down the lights, and asked it to make
some predictions about the second half of the season. After reading
what the crystal ball had to say, you'll agree with Charlie Babbitt:
Kmart sucks. Without further ado, the predictions:
Once
again, the Dodgers took the cheap way out. Dan Evans agreed on Monday
to take the unwanted Jeromy Burnitz off the Mets' hands in exchange
for three minor leaguers, giving the Dodgers two Todd Hundley's.
Then, figuring that Fred McGriff needed a reason to feel young again,
Dan Evans signed the 63-year-old Rickey Henderson. But the Dodgers'
GM isn't done. By the end of the week, Evans plans to sign Paul
Molitor and trade six minor leaguers to San Diego for Jesse Orosco.
Are Henderson and Burnitz an improvement over Wilkin Ruan, Larry
Barnes, and Chad Hermansen? Probably. But are Henderson and Burnitz
going to make a difference? Probably not. Rickey has been facing
independent league pitchers for the last 3 months, and Burnitz is
coming off the worst season of his career—a mediocre career
at best. What the Dodgers have going for them, though, is that both
these guys are happy to be in LA. Whether that will translate to
performance on the field, however, remains to be seen. The Dodgers
will pay Burnitz $2 million of his ridiculous $12 million contract,
which would be a bargain if he does the job, but those odds are
slim. (As opposed to Burnitz, who isn't.) 
Beating
the Rockies 9-3 on Sunday, the Dodgers will go into the all-star
break in third place, seven and a half games back of the Giants.
It's the middle of the season, and the Dodgers are in the middle
of the pack. What's new? Good enough to make it interesting, not
good enough to make it exciting. While Paul Lo Duca ices his body,
let's take a brief look back at the first half of the season. First,
Jack Clark fell off his bike. Then Shawn Green didn't get any hits.
Then everyone on the team complained about being exhausted. Then
Jason Romano was called up. Then Todd Hundley broke his back. Then
Adrian Beltre swung at a pitch that bounced three times. Then Jason
Romano was sent down. Then a Dodger pitcher failed to get a bunt
down. And failed again. And again. Then Jason Romano was called
up. Then Andy Ashby disappeared. Then Rick Monday did the postgame
interview without actually asking any questions. Then Guillermo
Mota got a DUI. Then Jason Romano was sent down. Then Bubba Crosby
was called up. Then Bubba Crosby was sent down. Then Jason Romano
was called up. Then Darren Dreifort's body broke. Then the Dodgers
won ten straight. And then lost ten. And then won seven. Then the
Dodgers were in first place for four hours. Then Jason Romano saved
Brian Jordan's life. And then Brian Jordan's body broke. And then
Dave Roberts' body broke. And then Kevin Brown's body broke. And
then Fred McGriff's joints weren't oiled. Then Marquis Grissom fucked
the Dodgers. Then Dave Hansen fucked the Dodgers. Then Daryle Ward's
ass wouldn't fit into his uniform. Then Daryle Ward's hair wouldn't
fit into his hat. But then Daryle Ward started at first. And started
at first again. Then the Dodgers scored one run. And then two. And
then one again. And then Dan Evans told us not to panic. And then
we told Dan Evans to fuck off. Then the Diamondbacks passed the
Dodgers. Then Shawn Green hit his third home run of the season.
Then Ron Coomer chewed too hard. Then Jason Romano was sent down.
Then Chad Hermansen was called up. Then Wilkin Ruan was called up.
And then Steve Colyer. And Chin Feng Chen. And, finally, Alfredo
Gonzalez. 
Continuing
their offensive "surge", the Dodgers scored six runs on
Friday. Only one problem: the game was in Colorado. Scoring six
runs in Denver is like scoring two anywhere else, and the Dodgers
lost 7-6. They weren't without chances, though. The Dodgers got
13 hits, and the Rockies made three errors. Add to that two wild
pitches and a walk, and the Dodgers really blew it. But let's get
to the good stuff. With the bases loaded and one out in the 5th
inning, Daryle Ward came to the plate. Now, we all know that Daryle
Ward shouldn't be starting, but Jim Tracy had him in there. Ward
worked the count to 3-0, and we all know that Ward should be taking
a pitch, maybe even two. Well, all of us except Jim Tracy, that
is. Tracy gave Ward the green light, and were it not for a bad throw
by Todd Helton, Ward would have grounded into an inning-ending double-play.
Tracy will say that he was just trying to get Ward going, but really
the only way to get Ward going would be to dangle a donut a couple
feet in front of his face. With a 3-0 count, the bases loaded, and
the Dodgers down by four runs, giving the green light to a guy batting
.180 is just plain stupid. The Dodgers ended up scoring three in
the inning, but that doesn't make Tracy's decision any less idiotic.
It's one thing to just be dull and unmotivating, but it's quite
another to be dull, unmotivating, and dumb. Dickhead.
Be
strong, young Dodger fan. Do not let them fool you. Do not let them
get you excited. Excitement has no place in Dodger baseball. So
just calm down. Sure, the Dodgers are suddenly scoring runs—20
in the last three games, to be exact—but they can just as easily
get shut out three games in a row. So while RBI singles by Jolbert
Cabrera and Adrian Beltre in the same inning might have you
thinking that the offense is coming around, don't be so quick to
pull your Jim Tracy jersey out of storage. The Dodgers are still
playing without a decent leadoff man, without power, and, in general,
without hustle. They're also now playing without Ron Coomer, whose
jaw hurts from gnawing on pieces of pork during the game. Winning
two in a row is definitely a start, but for christsakes, it's no
cause for hope.
The
Dodgers scored six runs on Wednesday in St. Louis, a day after scoring
five in San Diego. Hell, the drought must be over. Dan Evans was
right. This team has what it takes. No trades necessary. Eleven
runs in two games? Give it a couple weeks, and the Dodgers will
lead the league in batting. Izturis and Cora? They'll be up to .300
in no time. Jolbert? He'll be the new Rickey Henderson. Chad Hermansen?
He'll win a gold glove. There's no telling what this one-game winning
streak might turn into. Maybe a two-game winning streak. The Diamondbacks
better watch their ass—the Dodgers are on the move.
While
it was bizarre to see a "5" in the runs column for the
Dodgers on Wednesday night, it wasn't at all strange to see the
"L"—their ninth loss in the last ten games. The Padres
swept the Dodgers for the second time in a week, and Shawn Green
continued to open himself to criticism, despite hitting a home run.
After a 3rd inning pop-fly dropped in just in front of him, Green's
throw to second was wild, allowing runners to end up on second and
third. Three batters later, Sean Burroughs lined what should have
been the third out of the inning to right, but Green made an awkward
diving attempt, the ball went off his glove, and two runs scored.
Is there a chance that Shawn Green's body has been taken over by
Billy Ashley? By the 5th inning, the Dodgers were down 6-1, but
pecked away at the lead simply to frustrate Dodger fans. With two
outs in the 9th and the bases loaded, Paul Lo Duca—representing
the go-ahead run—grounded out to second. It's actually surprising
that they didn't pick up two in the ninth and leave the tying run
at third. Regardless, they're now 8-1/2 games back and their leadoff
hitter is batting .167 (which, on Wednesday, was 42 points higher
than their first basemen). Looking good.
While
Monday might have been a big night in the short career of Padres'
pitcher Oliver Perez, the 21-year-old shouldn't get too excited.
After all, he was facing a lineup that Bob Daly probably could have
shut down. Typically, the Dodgers mustered just five hits, and blew
the one true scoring chance they had, leaving the bases loaded in
the fifth inning. Were it not for a leadoff home run by Paul Lo
Duca in the 9th, the Dodgers would have come away with absolutely
nothing. Not that one run can be considered an achievement. It's
actually too bad that Lo Duca had to knock one out... getting blanked
by the last place Padres is a lot more pathetic, and at this point,
that's what we're pulling for. The worse they look, the more embarrassed
they'll be, the more laughable the front office will appear, and
the sooner we'll be rid of Jim Tracy, Dan Evans, and Bob Daly. At
least in theory. Now, if only Lo Duca would stop fucking it up.
What's
a guy got to do to make the All-Star team? If ever a player deserved
to make it, it's Jason Romano. In parts of 23 games this seaons,
Romano has two knocks and has even scored a run. And if that's not
enough, he saved Brian Jordan's life back in May by taclking a fan
who had run onto the field. It's a friggin' conspiracy. And a real
shame. In other news—though it's hardly news anymore—the
Dodgers scored just a run on Sunday, losing to Arizona 2-1. Geez,
you really wouldn't expect that from a starting lineup that included
Ron Coomer, Daryle Ward, Cesar Izturis, Alex Cora, and Wilkin Ruan.
The Dodgers scored a total of four runs in the series, three of
which were unearned. Their only run on Sunday came on what should
have been an inning-ending double-play. It's time to just put hot
girls in the Dodger lineup and see what happens. Is there anyone
in L.A. who would truly be upset if Jennifer Aniston started at
first over Daryle Ward? Sure, she might not hit .196, but would
you care?
Shawn
Green has listened to his share of boos this season, and while the
acting of booing is in itself primitive and idiotic, fan frustration
has been totally justified. On Saturday, however, Green was booed
intensely—and undeservingly—for not reaching Shea Hillenbrand's
8th inning blooper to right that broke up Odalis Perez' bid for
a no-hitter. Had Shawn Green been wearing a cape and little red
underpants, he wouldn't have even got to the ball. As much as we'd
like to have someone to blame for Odalis losing his shot at history—and
as convenient a target as Green is—let's be reasonable. (After
all, that's what we're about here at Dodger Blues.) With a sketchy
2-run lead (incidentally, both runs unearned), Green did the smart
thing by playing the ball on a hop. What Green must realize, however,
is that Odalis' no-hitter was the first thing Dodger fans have had
to get excited about in weeks. And while Green may very well play
hard, it rarely looks like he's hustling. Maybe it's something about
the way he runs, or his long arms, or his lack of visible intensity...
whatever it is, he's not known as a hard-nosed player, and he'll
continue to take shit because of it. Of course, those boos might
be a bit quieter if he was hitting above .250.
As
tiring as it's been to watch the Dodgers "hit" all season,
it's even more exhausting to write about it on a daily basis. So
while their inability to score more than one run on Friday contributed
in large part to their 7th straight loss, talking about the fact
they only got six hits is pointless. Instead, we'll focus on the
bullpen, which had the nerve to allow three runs—far more than
the Dodgers would ever be able to score. Paul Shuey allowed a 7th
inning home run (on his first pitch), and his buddy Tom Martin gave
up two in the 10th—with some help from Guillermo Mota. The
loss puts the Dodgers a game and a half back of the second place
Diamondbacks, and something like nineteen back of the Giants. The
Dodgers should have 4th place all to themselves in just a couple
days, but don't worry—by the end of the month they'll put together
another 10 game winning streak and will be back in the race....
for three days, until they collapse again. 
As
pathetic as the Dodgers have been in weeks and years past, it's
very possible that they've hit rock bottom. Which is not to say
they won't find a way to dig deeper. After a sweep at the hands
of the Padres, the Dodgers have lost 6 in a row and have finally
dropped to third place. Sure, they've already erased large defecits
in the standings twice this year, but the team they're fielding
these days is simply not capable of consistantly winning. (Hell,
they're not even capable of winning once in a while.) Now, with
Dave Roberts back on the DL and Kevin Brown nursing another lingering
injury, the time has come for the Dodgers to wave the white flag.
It's time to give up. Even if they were to trade for an impact player
(which isn't possible considering they have no trade bait), one
guy isn't going to make a difference. Well, maybe Wilkin Ruan. So,
despite the Dodgers' ever-increasing futility, Dan Evans continues
to insist that it's not time to panic. It's obvious that Danny boy
has pulled his pink shirt over his eyes. Yet, his calmness might
be a good thing. Since the season has become hopeless, a deal rooted
in panic is likely to just screw things up even more. Dealing prospects
would be a mistake. Taking on a huge contract would be a mistake.
Picking up a middle-of-the-road outfielder would be mistake. For
too many years, Dodger management has been living for the moment,
going for immediate results. Without results. As tough as it may
be to spend the rest of the season watching Daryle Ward, Ron Coomer,
Larry Barnes, and Adrian Beltre, it's what's best for the Dodgers.
(Which doesn't mean we won't bash the fuck out of them the rest
of the way.)
A
2-2 game turned very ugly in the 10th inning Wednesday night...
and it had nothing to do with Rod Beck's face. In a loss reminiscent
of Dodger teams of the past, the Dodgers fell behind by two runs
in the top of the 10th, only to immediately come back with one and
tease fans by then getting the tying run on base. The chaos began
when Eric Gagne (who shouldn't have been in the game at all) started
his second inning of work by allowing a little grounder to third.
Adrian Beltre—becoming all the more useless—made an ill-advised
throw to first, which sailed into foul ground. After an intentional
walk, Mark Loretta singled to left. Mike Kinkade's throw got past
David Ross and Eric Gagne, who was backing up home plate. It was
then that Eric Gagne was overcome by the smell of his hat, mistakingly
thinking the game was over. Gagne let the ball roll to the stands,
and by the time he figured out what the hell was going on, a second
run—and eventual game-winner—had scored. Beautiful.
Almost
50,000 people shuffled into Dodger Stadium on Tuesday night, either
hot for a 25-cent bobble-head or erroneously thinking that the Dodgers
would get healthy against the last-place Padres. The only thing
getting healthier, however, is Ron Coomer's appetite. (Making fun
of his size never gets old.) For the third game in a row, the Dodgers
managed only a run, and have now scored a total of three runs over
the last four games. It's a thing of beauty, actually. It's really
the only way to look at it. You'd think that one day, accidentally,
they'd score two runs. But nope. Just one. Truly remarkable. Meanwhile,
Dave Roberts left the game early with a re-injured hamstring, and
Brianna Jordan was finally put on the disabled list. If this is
indeed the end of Jordan's Dodger career, which seems likely, good
riddance. And incidentally, why is Jim Tracy allowed the pleasure
of leaving early, not having to subject himself to the final inning
of torture? Getting kicked out of a Dodger game is not a punishment—it's
a gift. A true punishment would be forcing him to watch the
game. Instead of kicking him out, sit him in one of those classy
plastic bullpen chairs behind home plate. Jerk.