> JUNE 2002



June 30, 2002
Dodgers Headed Toward Basement

Evidently the Dodgers have decided to get an early start on their second-half spiral. In losing their second in a row Sunday evening, their lead over the Diamondbacks was cut to a game and a half, and their momentum has been stopped dead in its tracks. A day after managing only 4 hits, the Dodgers did one better, picking up 5 hits against two Angel pitchers. Starter John Lackey got his first major league win, a first that seems to come often at the expense of the Dodgers. By the way, David Ross?

June 29, 2002
Shhhh... Dodger Bats are Sleeping

While one game doesn't say much, the Dodgers showed Saturday night that they're certainly not invincible. Managing only three singles, the Dodgers were shut out by Aaron Sele, 7-0. Kazuhisa Ishii started for L.A. and did what he's been doing all year, getting behind hitters and walking too many—only this time, the Dodgers gave him no run support. Aside from his pitching, there's a bigger problem with Kaz: he's about 3 months overdue for a haircut.

June 27, 2002
Mulholland's ERA Below 9.00!!

Trying to prove to the world that there's something left in his 67-year-old arm, Terry Mulholland pitched a scoreless inning on Thursday night. Thankfully, however, no one is dumb enough to believe he suddenly doesn't suck. Speaking of sucking, the Dodgers... no, wait a second. They don't suck. There's something wrong. What the hell is going on? Why is this happening? Who are these people? Did I leave the iron on? The Dodgers banged out 13 hits en route to a 7-1 win over the Rockies on Thursday, extending their lead in the NL West to 2 1/2 games. Jesus.

June 24, 2002
A Rocky Game for Dodgers

Well, look at it this way: Eric Gagne got another day off. A day after completing a sweep of the Boston Red Sox with a 9-run outburst, the Dodgers offense apparently had nothing left. Mike Hampton, who has pretty much sucked this year, limited the Dodgers to just a run, and the Rockies came away with a 4-1 win. Kazuhisa Ishii allowed only an earned run over seven innings, but an error by Cesar Izturis in the first inning led to two unearned runs, more than enough for the Rockies on Monday. Give it a week and the Dodgers will be in 4th place.

June 23, 2002
Dodgers Sweep Sox, Overtake Diamondbacks

Looking very much like a team planning on playing through October, the Dodgers completed a sweep of the Red Sox on Sunday, knocking Boston out of first place in the AL East. More amazing, the Diamondbacks lost to the Blue Jays, and the Dodgers are finally in first place, all alone. That should pretty much guarantee the Bob Brenly pulls a shithead move when it comes time for him to pick reserves for the All Star Game. Four Dodgers are deserving of the honor, but since dickface Brenly ultimately makes the decision, expect no more than two to be selected. Regardless, the Dodgers of late are playing better ball than they have in years. The offense wasted no time Sunday, staking Andy Ashby to a 9-0 lead in the third. Ashby faltered a bit in the middle innings, but the Dodgers hung on to win, 9-6. Of course Jim Tracy had to fuck around in the 9th, putting Terry Mulholland in to pitch, but Terry surprised us all by only allowing a run and lowering his ERA to 9.68. Way to go, Terry!

June 22, 2002
Dodgers Come From Behind to Beat Lowe

The better the Dodgers play, the less fun this website is. Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on where your interests lie—the Dodgers have been playing pretty damn well. Down three runs early to Red Sox ace-of-late Derek Lowe, the Dodgers bounced back in the fifth to take the lead, eventually hanging on to win, 5-4. A rare dumb play by Cesar Izturis cost the Dodgers a run in the eighth, but Paul Quantrill-Trombley got a big DP and worked out of the jam. Eric Gagne, appearing for the fourth day in a row, had a rough ninth (meaning he didn't strike out the side), but got Carlos Baerga to ground out with the tying run on third. As stupid as Jim Tracy is, at least he had the sense to go to Gagne again, regardless of how many games in a row he had pitched. Boring fucking website. How 'bout some tits?

June 21, 2002
Red Sox Seeing Blue in L.A.

The Red Sox have the best record in baseball, but Friday night the Dodgers proved that... hmm... well, they didn't really prove anything, but they won, 3-2. In one of his most dominating performances, Eric Gagne struck out the four Boston batters he faced, giving fans a taste of a playoff atmosphere long missing from Dodger Stadium. Gagne now has 26 saves in 27 opportunities, though six fans in the upper deck were reportedly overcome by fumes from his algae-ridden hat.

June 20, 2002
Green Goes Mental, But Dodgers Win

There are three scoreboards at Dodger Stadium, but apparently none are in Hebrew. Shawn Green lost count of the number of outs in the sixth inning on Thursday night, thinking his catch of Tom Wilson's flyball was the final out. Instead, it was only the second out, and as Green rounded the right-field corner with the ball in his glove, Raul Mondesi rounded third base, easily scoring all the way from second. That run brought the Blue Jays within one, and almost brought tears to Green's eyes. Odalis Perez got out of the inning, however, and the Dodgers held on to win, 2-1. And what do you know... Arizona won.

June 19, 2002
Early Five Enough for Win

The Dodgers scored five runs in the first inning Wednesday, then picked their asses for the remaining eight. Thankfully Ishii was able to hold the Jays to a couple runs over 7 innings, and four Dodger relievers closed it out, the Dodgers winning 5-2. With Arizona's loss, the Dodgers are now a game back of first. Shawn Green provided the big blow in the first, hitting a 3-run homer deep into the right field bleacher. Ishii capped the inning with a 2-run single, picking up his first two RBIs of the year. Now, if he could just pick up a fucking scissors... jesus he needs a haircut.

June 18, 2002
Jays Come to Town, Shit on Dodgers

The not-so-much anticipated return of Raul Mondesi to Dodger Stadium was rather uneventful. Now in his third season with Toronto, Mondesi went 0-for-4, and unfortunately didn't launch into a profanity-laced tirade over Davey Johnson or Kevin Malone (see 8/11/99). The Dodger bats were as silent as Raul, managing just four hits against Toronto starter Roy Halladay. Excuse me, who? The Dodgers 2-1 loss was their first one-run defeat at home, but it drops them two games out of first. Fuck it, they're done. Write 'em off.

June 16, 2002
Dodgers Come From Behind, Beat Angels

The Dodgers kept pace with the Diamondbacks on Sunday, coming from behind to beat the Angels, 5-4. Down 4-1 in the 6th, the Dodgers got back-to-back home runs from Eric Karros and Marquis Grissom, and Mark Grudzielanek's run-scoring single an inning later proved to be the difference. Eric Gagne continued to dominate, pitching 1 2/3 innings, striking out the side in the ninth, and picking up his 23rd save. Continuing to morph into the closer role, it seems Gagne has matured years since last season. Likewise, Gagne's hat has aged about 11 years since April. That filthy fucking thing must stink like Mike Fetters' balls.

June 15, 2002
Mulholland Still Blows

The Dodgers remained one game back in the National League West on Saturday night, beating the Angels 10-5. Shawn Green homered in his first two at-bats, tying a major league record of home runs in four consecutive at-bats, stretching back to Friday's game. More importantly, however, Terry Mulholland proved that he still blows. With the Dodgers leading 9-2 in the 8th, Mulholland was brought in to finish the game. Instead, he barely made it out of the 8th. Old Terry gave up three hits including a 3-run bomb by Brad Fullmer. Mulholland's ERA is still hovering around 10.00, and it's WAY too far into the season to still be that bad. Time to pull a Carlos Perez, Gregg Olson, Tom Goodwin, or Mike Trombley— in other words, eat his absurd salary and release the bastard.

June 11, 2002
Devil Rays Sting Daal and Dodgers

The worst team in baseball beat the hell out of the Dodgers on Tuesday night. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who had won only 20 games all season and were last in the American League in almost every offensive category, scored 9 runs in the fifth en route to an 11-2 victory. Omar Daal, who bitched and moaned early in the season about not being given a chance to start, has sucked horribly now that he's in the rotation. Daal was charged with nine runs over 4 2/3 innings, meaning he's given up 21 earned runs in three starts since he replaced Kevin Brown. THIS is the Omar Daal we all know. A little nervous now, Dan Evans?

June 9, 2002
O Boy— Odalis Beats O's

Despite a rocky ninth, the Dodgers held on and beat the Orioles for the second game in a row, 2-1. After losing his previous two games, Odalis Perez came back with a strong outing on Sunday, allowing only a run and striking out a career-high ten over eight innings. Despite fanning the final three hitters he faced and having made only 98 pitches, Jim Tracy brought in Eric Gagne to pitch the ninth. Yeah, yeah, Gagne is the closer and his job is seal a tight game, but what the hell happened to common sense? If Perez had been struggling late in the game, fine. If his pitch count was high, fine. But when you've got a pitcher sailing along, JUST FUCKING LEAVE HIM IN. As it turned out, Gagne picked up his 21st save despite the Orioles getting a guy to third with nobody out, but why bother? You don't know if Gagne is bringing his good stuff, but you know damn well that Perez had his. Note to Jim Tracy: It's okay to occasionally ignore "the book" and instead use your boring, puny brain.

June 7, 2002
Dodgers Tease, But Lose to Orioles

Just when it looked like they'd be shut out in their first interleague game against the Orioles, the Dodgers fought back in the ninth... just not enough. Shut out on only three hits for the first eight innings, the Dodgers made Rodrigo Lopez look like Greg Maddux. Finally in the 9th, the bats came alive. Too little, too late, however, as the Dodgers only managed to pick up two runs, leaving the tying runs on second and third. The highlight of the game occurred in the 6th, when Spanish radio announcer Pepe Iniguez joined Vin Scully on the air to correctly pronounce the name of Rodrigo Lopez's hometown. For the record, the proper pronunciation is "WHO-GIVES-A-SHIT."

June 4, 2002
Brown in Hospital; Diagnosis: Pussy

Kevin Brown is 37 and beginning to decompose. It's as simple as that. Already on the DL for the second time this season with an elbow injury, Brown checked into Centinela Hospital on Monday with a back protrusion. Doctors will most likely find that the protrusion is Brown's ability trying to escape his rotting corpse. While Brown is hooked up to a respirator, let's hope someone steals his wallet and returns his $105 million to the rightful owner. Prick.

June 1 , 2002
Ashby and Jordan Beat Diamondbacks

The Dodgers managed only two hits Saturday afternoon against Brian Andersen, but they made them count. Cesar Izturis singled to lead off the 4th inning, and two outs later Jordan connected for his 10th home run of the year. Andy Ashby completely shut down the Diamondback offense, pitching 8 scoreless innings and allowing only 5 hits. Eric Gagne picked up his major league leading 19th save with a 1-2-3 ninth, adding some more sweat stains to his moldy cap.