> MAY 2007

On Tuesday and Wednesday, Dodger fans were treated to a pair of shutouts, a reminder of how good the top of the rotation can be. On Thursday, they were reminded of how bad the bottom of the rotation can be. Before Mark Hendrickson had thrown even a dozen pitches, the Nationals had taken the lead—one they would eventually build into a dominating 11-4 victory over the Dodgers. The loss drops the Dodgers into a three-way tie for first with San Diego and Arizona.

In his last five starts, Mark Hendrickson is 0-3 with a Terry Mulholland-like ERA of 7.18. "I've just got to make better pitches," said Hendrickson. Sure, but is he even capable of making better pitches? At his best, he's no one I'd particularly want in the rotation. At his worst, he's no one I'd particularly want on my son's little league team. If I had a son. And if he played little league. Hell, he'd better play little league. Really, he'll have no choice in the matter. And he'll bat lefty.

Hendrickson, of course, wasn't the Dodgers' only problem on Thursday. Jonathan Broxton and Rudy Seanez combined to give up five runs in an inning of work, and Yhency Brazoban left the game with a sore shoulder after throwing 13 pitches. See you in 2009, Yhency.

May 30, 2007 - Dodgers 5, Nationals 0
Dodgers keep Nationals silent again

There are certain things that always hold true in my life. When I'm in a rush, there's a paraplegic crossing the street in front of me. When I take a crap before seven a.m., there's always another one ready by nine. And when I don't watch a Dodger game, they play great. The Dodger rule held true again on Wednesday, as the Dodgers blanked the Nationals, 5-0, while I sat at work reading useless emails about how to read the new conference room schedule.

Russell Martin had the big blast for the Dodgers, a 2-run homer in the 6th inning that gave them a comfortable 4-run lead. Rafael Furcal, Nomar Garciaparra, and Andre Ethier knocked in a run a piece, but for the second consecutive day, Wilson Betemit failed to get a pinch-hit. The good news about Betemit not coming through off the bench, though, is just that—he's on the bench.

Derek Lowe went seven innings, giving up just three hits and striking out five. Save for an error, no Washington hitter made it to second base against Lowe. You could attribute that to Lowe's pitching, or the fact that the Nationals had no interest in standing at second base talking to Jeff Kent. The shutout is the Dodgers second in a row and fourth of the season, helping to rank them third in the NL in team ERA. The staff could be getting a boost, too, as Jason Schmidt made his first rehab start on Wednesday afternoon. Schmidt threw 71 pitches, most of which were apparently faster than 71 miles per hour. There's no timetable for Schmidt's return, though, which basically means that everyone in the organization finally realizes the fragility of their 47 million dollar man.

May 29, 2007 - Dodgers 10, Nationals 0
Penny mint in Washington

The Dodgers did something different against a last place team on Tuesday: they won. Seemingly mediocre against mediocre teams this season, the Dodgers arrived in Washington ready to play ball. (Well, either that, or the Nationals are even worse than their record suggests.) Led by 6+ scoreless innings from Brad Penny and—holy crap, were those extra base hits off the bat of Juan Pierre?—the Dodgers cruised to a 10-0 shutout of the Nationals.

Penny's ERA drops to 2.06 and his record moves to 7-1. The big boy was also perfect at the plate on Tuesday, producing a single, double, and sacrifice. He was a little less impressive on the bases, managing only to move from second to third on a double in the 7th inning. As you read this, Penny is still making his way to the dugout.

Penny's performance was pretty typical of his pitching this season, but two Dodgers had special nights to remember. The first was Juan Pierre, who had a career high four extra-base hits—after having a total of only three in his previous 36 games. (Of course, Pierre was picked off second base in the third inning, but I'm never one to point out mistakes.) The other Dodger with a career night was Brett Tomko, who pitched two scoreless innings with the Dodgers up by nine runs. Certainly a performance he'll be telling his grandkids about one day. Quite a pitcher, that Tomko.

May 27, 2007 - Dodgers 2, Cubs 1
Dodgers accept Cubs' gifts

The Dodgers have had some exciting moments over the years, but never anything that matched the exhilaration of Sunday afternoon's walk-off hit batter in the eleventh inning. Having seen his team load the bases on walks, Juan Pierre watched a 2-2 pitch carom off his knee and into foul territory, easily allowing Ramon Martinez to score the winning run from third base. It took about 30 seconds before the Dodgers realized they should be celebrating, and even then, how much can you celebrate a hit batter? It's like celebrating a 41st birthday. It's a birthday, so you celebrate, but 41 doesn't really mean much. Ok, lousy analogy, but you get the point.

The point is that the Dodgers owe the victory to the Cubs pitching (which failed to find the strike zone in the 11th inning) and the Cubs catcher (who let Ramon Martinez get away with terrible baserunning). Were it not for the Cubs generosity, the game would probably still be going on. Aside from Andre Ethier's pinch-hit home run in the 8th to tie the score at 1, the Dodgers offense sputtered yet again. The Dodgers' two through six batters in the lineup combined to go 1-for-19, and the team managed just a total of four hits.

The defensive play of the month came in the 7th inning, though, with Russell Martin making a backhanded catch of a pop fly before tumbling into the stands behind home plate. Reminiscent of Paul Lo Duca's sliding catch a few years back, Martin's catch had one difference: If you look closely at the play in slow motion, you'll see a guy in the front row spit up his beer.

May 26, 2007 - Cubs 4, Dodgers 2
Grady's strategy: musical chairs

We all know the old baseball adage about taking things one game at a time. Well, the more I watch the Dodgers, the more it's becoming clear that Grady Little lives and dies by that saying. The guy has no recollection of the recent past and completely lacks the ability to project into the future. That's fine if you're homeless, but it doesn't work if you're a baseball manager. With each lineup he makes and each move he makes, Little says one thing: My brain is filled with cottage cheese.

One day Wilson Betemit is benched and relegated to pinch-hit use. The next day he's in the lineup. Andy LaRoche starts at third base one day, then sits for the next two games while Tony Abreu starts. At third. Then at second. La Roche in left. Juan Pierre batting second. Juan Pierre batting first. Russell Martin batting everywhere. Hey Grady, come up with a fucking plan. Playing musical chairs isn't a plan. (But it might be more fun than watching Dodger baseball.)

Saturday, the Dodgers struggled against Carlos Zambrano, managing just four hits through the first six innings. They finally broke through in the 7th on a Wilson Betemit home run (which should by him another few starts next week), and in the 8th on a two-out base hit by Nomar Garciaparra. Then came one of Grady Little's brilliant moves of late. With the bases loaded and Luis Gonzalez due up, the Cubs brought in lefty Will Ohman to pitch. Gonzalez, mind you, was 4-for-6 against Ohman in the past and six innings earlier had singled to move past Mickey Mantle into 100th on the career hit list. So what does Grady do? He pulls Gonzalez in favor of Jeff Kent, whose career batting average as a pinch-hitter is barely higher than mine and career batting average with the bases loaded is barely higher than yours. Kent strikes out, and the rally is over. Look, I'm not a huge fan of Luis Gonzalez, but if you don't have faith that a guy you're paying $7 million can get a clutch hit with the bases loaded, what's the point of having him? Oh, sorry, can't let a lefty face a lefty. Because I'm sure none of Gonzo's 2,416 major league hits came off a lefty. Douchebag.

May 23, 2007 - Dodgers 5, Brewers 1
New elbow works for Yhency

There's not a lot of incentive to go see the Milwaukee Brewers on a weeknight in the middle of May, but for a few seconds in the fifth inning on Wednesday, it looked like Dodger fans at the stadium might get rewarded. After Russell Martin was summoned back to the plate after having a home run call rescinded by the umpires, Brewers pitcher Carlos Villanueva threw one about three feet above Martin's head. Brawl, I thought. Martin drew a walk, and as he stood on first, Mariano Duncan got into it with Brewers coach Ed Sedar. Brawl, I thought again. Moments later, the benches cleared. Brawl, I prayed, hoping someone would throw a punch or a chair. But Martin quickly got between Duncan and Prince Fielder, and my dream was dead. And all that was left was a baseball game.

The Dodgers banged out 12 hits, three coming off the bat of Luis Gonzalez, who's apparently still on the team. (Sure, he plays, but can you honestly say you notice him?) The big blow came from Russell Martin, whose bases loaded double in the first inning gave the Dodgers all the runs they needed. Brad Penny worked out of trouble for much of the game, but left in the seventh without having given up a run. The win seals the series for the Dodgers, but more importantly means I won't have to see Craig Counsell again this season.

Wednesday was also a big day for the Dodger pitching staff as it marked the return of Yhency Brazoban. (It also marked the demotion of Brett Tomko to the bullpen, but the only way I'd be excited about that is if it was a demotion to Single-A.) With pieces of Tommy John implanted in his elbow, Brazoban faced four batters in the ninth, striking out the side. From the looks of his belly, he's got quite a bit of Farmer John in him, too.

May 20, 2007 - Angels 4, Dodgers 1
Dodgers take it in the 'Big A'

I had more runs from one meal on Saturday night than the Dodgers had all weekend long. Down south for three games against the Anaheim Angels of Anaheim, the Dodgers managed to score a whopping total of four runs. The Angels, meanwhile, broke through against Dodger pitching for nine runs on Friday, six on Saturday, and four on Sunday. Anaheim's sweep merely adds to their dominance of the Dodgers that stretches back to, well, pretty much the moment Fox ownership forced Mike Scioscia to sleep with the enemy.

On Sunday, Derek Lowe tossed another complete game loss, the Dodgers waited until they were down to their final out to score their only run, and the designated hitter—once again—didn't hit. The Dodgers didn't help themselves in the field either, committing fielding errors that led to two runs. Amazingly, neither of the errors were charged to Juan Pierre.

Even more amazing are the standings in the NL West. Somehow, the Dodgers are still in first place. Somehow, six of their starting position players are hitting about .275 even though I've never seen most of them on base. Somehow, they've won six more games than they've lost. And somehow, they've done it all without Yhency Brazoban. (Sorry, I just wanted to write Yhency.)

May 16, 2007 - Dodgers 5, Cardinals 4
Betemit finds his role

Maybe the Dodgers should have benched Wilson Betemit a week into the season. If they had, there's a good chance he'd be leading the major leagues in home runs right about now. After being relegated to bench duties less than two weeks ago, Betemit has three pinch-hit home runs and has raised his batting average more than 100 points. He's still not hitting his weight, but he's stepped it up enough to convince me that my 96-year-old grandmother could not, in fact, do any better.

Coming off the bench in the fifth inning on Wednesday, Betemit crushed a Kip Wells pitch over the wall in center, driving in three and giving the Dodgers a 5-3 lead. No one was happier than Randy Wolf, who went five innings, came out losing, and then suddenly stood to win the game. So what's the deal with Betemit? Did losing his job to a guy without so much as a day of major league experience put the fear of God into him? Did he come across a Tom Emanski training video? Or is it total luck? Whatever the reason, Wilson Betemit is now second on the team in home runs. That definitely doesn't say much about the Dodgers' team power, but it does say that Betemit's got some. If it only manifests itself when he's coming off the bench, fine by me.

The Dodgers' win on Wednesday was their fifth in six games, and their second straight over the Cardinals following a 10-game losing streak to them. It certainly helped that Albert Poo-Holes went 3-for-14 in the series, and the Dodger bullpen was practically flawless. Aside from Hong-Chih Kuo's brief—and nauseating—stint on Tuesday, the bullpen tossed thirteen scoreless innings in the series. While there's nothing more incongruous than Takashi Saito jogging in from the pen to a George Thorogood song, the Dodger closer now has thirteen saves this season, and twenty-three straight going back to last season. (Catastrophic meltdown coming soon.)

Finally, Wednesday marked the end of Rafael Furcal's incredible streak. Furcal entered the game on a 14-for-16 run, and immediately doubled on the second pitch of the game. The 15-for-17 quickly turned to 15-for-20, though, after Furcal went hitless the rest of the game. He can spend the off day on Thursday figuring out what's wrong with his swing.

May 14, 2007 - Cardinals 8, Dodgers 4
Tomko is for the birds

The St. Louis Cardinals were hurting. They had lost a relief pitcher to a car crash, lost their ace to an elbow injury, and lost twenty of their first thirty-five games. Over the last ten games, the Cardinals were shut out four times. They rank last in almost every offensive category, and are eight games back of Milwaukee in the NL Central.

Enter Brett Tomko. In a matter of minutes, the Cardinals were feeling a lot better. Tomko gave up three runs in the first inning, three more in the second, and was charged two more in the third. The eight runs proved to be enough, and the Cardinals went on the beat the Dodgers for the 10th consecutive time, 8-4. Would have been nice to take advantage of an 0-for-5 night from Albert Poo-holes, but the Dodgers' fight came too little, too late.

Grady Little certainly didn't help matters by throwing in the towel after the sixth inning. With the Dodgers down 8-1, Little pulled Nomar Garciaparra and Jeff Kent in favor of Olmedo Saenz and Ramon Martinez. Saenz doubled and walked in his two plate appearances but Martinez popped out and grounded out in his two chances. His last at-bat came with the bases loaded and two outs in the ninth, representing the tying run. Hmmm.... Jeff Kent, Ramon Martinez. Jeff Kent, Ramon Martinez. Jeff Kent, Ramon Martinez. What the hell is Little's thing for Ramon Martinez? Kent has been getting plenty of rest, but let's sit him down in the 6th inning because there's this great guy who's batting .170 who really needs more playing time. Douche.

Speaking of douches, Brady Clark came to the plate two batters before Martinez in the ninth inning. The bases were loaded, and Jason Isringhausen started Clark off with two balls. The Dodgers are down five runs, and what does Clark do with a 2-0 count? Swings at a borderline pitch and pops out. Nice work.

May 13, 2007 - Dodgers 10, Reds 5
Pretty in pink

It doesn't take much for an anemic offense to get healthy. With 28 hits over the last two games, the Dodgers might have done just that, perhaps snapping out of the funk that's stuck with them for weeks. (Or, it could be a flukey abberation, and the top of the lineup will go 0 for their next 74.)

As Grady Little suggested after Sunday's game, maybe the Dodgers should continue to use pink bats—which they used on Mother's Day to help raise awareness of breast cancer. (At first I thought they we're using the bats just because they've been hitting like girls, but I eventually figured it out.) The pink bats produced a season-high 18 hits for the Dodgers, including a 4-for-4 day from Rafael Furcal, a 3-for-5 day from Nomar Garciaparra, and even a 1-for-3 day from Wilson Betemit—who's batting average has soared to .164... which would be somewhat respectable if he was blind.

Despite the final score, the victory on Sunday wasn't a walk in the park. The Dodgers were down 5-3 in the fifth, tied the game in the sixth, and then finally broke through in the eighth with five runs. With guys at second and third and nobody out in the eighth, Juan Pierre took advantage of a drawn-in infield, blooping on over the second base bag that started the rally. Well, you could say he took advantage of the drawn-in infield, or you could say he got extremely lucky. Your call.

May 11, 2007 - Dodgers 2, Reds 0
All hail to the pitching staff

Over the last fourteen games, the Dodgers have won eight and lost seven—averaging just over three runs a game. Three runs a game, and a winning record? You can thank the Dodgers pitching staff. Over those fourteen games, they've given up just over three runs a game, making it possible for the offense to hibernate.

The trend continued on Friday night, with Randy Wolf, Jonathan Broxton, and Takashi Saito blanking the Cincinatti Reds. Despite being just 4'-8", Wolf struck out a season-high eleven batters over seven innings. A first-inning base hit by Russell Martin drove in the only the two runs for the Dodgers, who went on to strand ten—including leaving the bases loaded in the first inning and runners in scoring position in the second, sixth, and seventh innings. Even some of the players' wives were in "scoring position" after the game, but the Dodgers failed to take advantage, leaving the girls high and dry.

Meanwhile on Friday, the Dodgers announced that they were contibuting $100,000 to help rebuild Griffith Park. Apparently there was some confusion, however, as Frank McCourt thought he was spending the money on Chan Ho Park. "We could use another righty," he said.

May 10, 2007 - Marlins 3, Dodgers 0
Three hit Thursday

You could chalk up the Dodgers' 3-0 loss on Thursday to good Florida pitching, but that's not much fun, so where do I start? Do I start with the Dodger offense which managed just three hits? With Wilson Betemit, whose error in the ninth inning led to the loss? Or with Derek Lowe and Grady Little, who decided to pitch to Josh Wiggingham with first base open in the ninth inning?

The offense. It's starting to make me physically ill. The lack of power is one thing—the inability to hit a friggin' fly ball to the outfield with a guy on third is quite another. Without the power, the Dodgers need to execute. Without executing, the Dodgers have nothing. They're not going to get by on the raw ability of Ramon Martinez and Wilson Valdez. Three hits were all they could muster on Thursday. "We'll do something different and may start as early as tomorrow," said Grady Little. Like what? Juan Pierre switching with Rafael Furcal in the lineup? Ooooh, the Reds must be shitting in their pants.

Wilson Betemit. After five days of pinch-hitting, Betemit was back in the lineup Thursday... and, sadly, back on the field. He went 0-for-3 at the plate, and then botched a potential double-play ball in the ninth inning. Instead of two out and nobody on, there were two on and nobody out. You think Andy La Roche will be back in the lineup Friday night?

Grady Little and Derek Lowe. With one out in the ninth inning and the tying runs on second and third, you intentionally walk the batter. I don't care if it's Barry Bonds or Barry Lyons. I don't care how the batter's been swinging or what kind of success the pitcher has had against him. You set up a force play and then you throw strikes. "I don't like doing that [intentional walks to load the bases]," Lowe said. "A wild pitch, and the run scores." Oh, but with guys on second and third a wild pitch doesn't score the run? Brilliant.

With the loss, the Dodgers continue their consistent inconsistency, with a win followed by a loss followed by a win followed by a loss followed by a win followed by the loss of my lunch. Still, the standings show them in first place. Clearly there's been a clerical error. Charge it to Betemit.

May 9, 2007 - Dodgers 5, Marlins 3
Tomko hooks Marlins

Continuing to lead the planet in men left on base, the Dodgers stranded a baker's dozen on Wednesday—including leaving the bases loaded three times. Their five runs, however, were enough to edge the Marlins, 5-3.

Brett Tomko picked up his first win of the season, even carrying a no-hitter into the sixth inning. Brett Tomko? That's exactly the question the Marlins were asking until Dontrelle Willis let his teammates in on a little secret: Brett Tomko sucks. Soon after, the Marlins put three runs on the board and Tomko was gone. This time, though, the Dodger bullpen came through, with Jonathan Broxton and Takashi Saito hanging on for the win. The victory continues the team's recent pattern. Aside from two consecutive wins against Arizona last week, the Dodgers have alternated wins and losses for the last thirteen games. Such an inspiring team to watch.

If nothing else, though, at least most of us have fewer complaints about the third base situation. Andy La Roche has an on-base percentage of .600 since being called up from Triple-A, and Wilson Betemit is 3-for-4 as a pinch-hitter since being benched. Must be something about the splinters in Betemit's ass that straighten out his swing. Whether it's that or it's the pregame table dance performed by Kim Ng, keep it coming. And share the love with Nomar.

May 7, 2007 - Dodgers 6, Marlins 1
Penny lets it all hang out

Wanting to show Marlins fans what they've been missing, Brad Penny went to the mound Monday night with his best stuff—and left his fly unzipped so all of Florida could see it. He also struck out a bunch of guys or something, but let's get back to the pants. There are only three scenarios that could explain the downed zipper: (1) He had to take a leak just before game time and remembered the buckle and not the zipper (unlikely), (2) He had to drop anchor just before game time and remembered the buckle and not the zipper (a bit more likely), or (3) Alyssa Milano happened to be in Miami and dropped by "just to chat" with her ex (ding, ding, ding).

If number three is indeed the correct answer, it must have been one hell of a chat. Penny struck out six of the first seven batters he faced, and nine of the first eleven. Through four innings he had ten strikeouts and was on pace to make the Yankees regret their signing of Roger Clemens. The K's slowed, though, and Penny left after seven innings with just fourteen strikeouts—a career high. With his win Monday, he's now 4-0 with a 1.39 ERA. Hmmmm... sound familiar? After posting a 2.91 ERA before the All-Star break last season, Penny watched his ERA balloon to 4.33 by the end of September. If he can keep his fly up and pitches down, though, this season might just be different.

Meanwhile, whatever special pills Wilson Betemit took over the weekend have worn off. Pinch-hitting in the 8th inning Monday, he struck out on three pitches.

May 6, 2007 - Braves 6, Dodgers 4
Taso finally cracks

There are many honors in baseball, but perhaps none bigger than this one: getting your name mentioned in the same sentence as Todd Benzinger. Wilson Betemit received the honor on Sunday. His 7th inning home run—a pinch shot—marked the first time a Dodger pinch-hitter has homered in two consecutive games since Benzinger did it in 1992. Betemit, of course, could only hope to have the illustrious career Benzinger did.

Betemit might also hope that Andy LaRoche, called up after the game on Saturday night, goes 0 for his next 20. LaRoche was given the start on Sunday, and unless he does worse than Betemit (which would mean swinging with a sourdough baguette instead of a bat), he figures to keep the third base job for a while.

LaRoche picked up his first major league hit in his second at-bat, but the Dodger bullpen collapsed late, and the Braves won, 6-4. So much for Chin-hui Tsao having a scoreless season. After having given up only one hit and no runs in 10 2/3 innings before Sunday, he was charged with three hits, two walks, and five runs. He clearly didn't have his good stuff, which is fine, but it's a manager's job to recognize that and pull a guy. Instead, Grady Little stayed glued to his fantasy of Tsao being invincible, and left him in to give the game away. Walk, double, double, foul out, walk, strike out, single. Too many friggin' batters.

The Dodgers should have known it was going to be a tough day when Mike Lieberthal was nailed in the side of the head by Andruw Jones' bat in the first inning. Despite suddenly believing that his name was Brenda, Lieberthal sucked it up and stayed in the game. Unfortunately, Rafael Furcal, Juan Pierre, Nomar Garciaparra, and Jeff Kent stayed in the game as well. Together, they topped the Dodger lineup by going 0-for-14. Even Wilson Betemit was shaking his head in disgust.

May 5, 2007 - Dodgers 6, Braves 3
Betemit buys himself another month

When the Dodgers score more than one run in an inning these days, you've got to consider it an explosion. So when the Dodgers scored three in the ninth inning Saturday night, Grady Little must have damn near wet his pants. All told, the Dodgers scored six runs, as many as they had over the last four games combined. They were 4-for-8 with runners in scoring position, and broke through against Tim Hudson just enough to give Derek Lowe all the support he needed. Lowe went seven innings, striking out eight and giving up just an unearned run.

For the first few innings, it looked like just another typical Dodger game. Juan Pierre was picked off in the first inning, and Jeff Kent booted a ball in the third to give the Braves a run. In the fourth, though, things began to change. The Dodgers put guys on first and second with nobody out, and while I braced for them to blow the opportunity, Nomar Garciaparra singled Rafael Furcal home. An out later, a Luis Gonzalez groundout cashed in Juan Pierre.

Then, four innings later, Wilson Betemit emerged from his grave to crush Tim Hudson's first pitch over the right field wall. The pinch-hit homer was Betemit's first of the year and the Dodgers' first homer in a week. As the ball soared over the wall, Betemit's average soared to the .140 mark. While Charley Steiner declared Betemit officially out of his slump, let's slow the hell down a bit. It was one hit. It came at a great time, giving the Dodgers an insurance run (of which they'd later get three more), but it doesn't mean that Betemit is suddenly fit to be in the starting lineup. What it does mean, though, is that Grady Little won't be so quick to let him fade into oblivion. Too bad, oblivion was looking so good.

May 4, 2007 - Braves 4, Dodgers 0
Dodgers don't put up a fight

When Juan Pierre was playing first base in my dream Thursday night (see 5/3 post), I woke up wondering why he was out of position. After watching him on Friday night, though, it might actually be centerfield where he's out of position. For at least the fifth or sixth time this year, Pierre misjudged a ball in center—this time costing the Dodgers two runs. With the Braves ahead 2-0 in the fifth, Jeff Francoeur lined one to center. Pierre ran in, dived, and watched the ball deflect off the top of his glove. No, it wasn't a routine play. But it also wasn't all that tough of a catch. The ball wasn't coming straight at him, and it wasn't hit all that hard. He just fucked up. And it's getting tiring to watch.

The same can be said for the Dodgers' offense, and Grady Little agrees. "It's getting old watching this," said the Dodger manager after the game. Getting old? That's like listening to a guy who doesn't leave his house complain about not having a girlfriend. If it's getting old, Grady, then do something about it and stop bitching. Step one is the obvious: Take Wilson Betemit out of the goddamn lineup. Betemit struck out three times on Friday night, and is hitting .125. Forget about hitting his own weight, he's barely hitting Jamie McCourt's weight. The Dodgers are reluctant to send Betemit down to the minors because he's out of options and could be lost to another team, but let me ask you two questions: (1) How big a loss would that be? and (2) What sorry ass team is going to pick up a guy hitting .125? Step two: Bring up James Loney and move Nomar Garciaparra to third base. Don't give me this shit about Nomar's body being to brittle. He's just as liable to be crushed by a baserunner playing first base as he is to injure himself diving for a ball at third. He's a good athlete, and he'll adjust.

The Dodgers' offensive problems, of course, aren't limited to Wilson Betemit. The team left eleven guys on base Friday, including blowing a bases-loaded, no-out situation in the fourth inning. With that failure, the Dodgers are now 2-for-35 with the bases loaded this year. Clearly John Smoltz was on his game Friday, but the Dodgers' trouble extends back much further. They've scored five runs in the last four games, and lost seven of their last eleven—with all four victories decided by just a run. If it weren't for their solid pitching of late, the Dodgers would be rolling around the cellar in their own feces.

May 3, 2007
I had a dream

I had a dream. It had nothing to do with the red hills of Georgia, racial equality, or the content of anyone's character. It was a dream about the Dodgers. I had it last night. To the best of my recollection, here's how it went:

The Dodgers were in the field and there was a little ground ball toward the mound. The entire infield charged, leaving no one to cover first base. Disgusted at themselves, a couple Dodgers kind of kicked the ground in frustration. Suddenly, though, the Dodgers realized that the batter wasn't running. So Rafael Furcal (who was apparently playing second base), quickly fields the ball and underhands it to first as Juan Pierre (Pierre?) runs to cover the bag. Furcal doesn't get enough on the throw, though, and the ball just trickles toward first base. Pierre comes out to reach the ball, grabs it, and runs toward first—but drops it along the way. He drops it with enough momentum, though, that the ball rolls toward first. Pierre runs along side the ball as it heads toward Furcal, who's now covering the bag. All the while, the batter (running slower than Olmedo Saenz after an all-you-can-eat breakfast) is still making his way to first base.

The ball finally reaches Furcal, but skips under his glove. Embarrassed, the Dodgers throw their arms up in surrender as the ball trickles into foul territory. But wait! The batter is only two-thirds of the way down the line. So Tom Prince (yes, I said Tom Prince—I dreamed of Tom Prince) grabs the ball just before it rolls into the dugout and shovels it to first. (At this point, I have no idea who's playing first other than the fact it was a black guy.) The Dodger first baseman catches the ball, but the runner legs it out. Safe!

As I slowly wake up and enter consciousness, I'm thinking... Wow, that was the greatest play ever... I really hope I Tivo'd the game... I wonder why Juan Pierre was playing first base... Until finally the sad realization: Shit, it was a dream.

I grabbed a pen to write down what I could remember, and quickly realized what a worthless dream it was. I can dream anything I want, and I'm dreaming about a botched ground ball? I could have dreamt that a UFO landed on the field, snatched up Juan Pierre (sure, and Wilson Betemit, too), and took off back to their martian planet with an overpaid centerfielder and an overhyped third baseman. I could have dreamt that 50,000 people parked at Dodger Stadium and actually made it to their seats for the first pitch. I could have dreamt that Sonia Lo Duca was getting it on with Brett Tomko's Playmate wife while Vin Scully called the action. I could have dreamt all those things... I could have dreamt anything. But no, I'm dreaming about Tom Prince. Truly pathetic.

May 1, 2007 - Dodgers 2, Diamondbacks 1
Olmedo to the rescue

Lesson to opposing pitchers: When you intentionally walk someone to get to Olmedo Saenz, it doesn't make Olmedo happy. It makes Olmedo a little hungry, sure, but not happy. The Arizona Diamondbacks might have learned their lesson on Tuesday, intentionally walking Jeff Kent with two outs in the ninth inning of a 1-1 game. With the winning run on third, Olmedo came through, smashing a single to center and drawing the Dodgers out of the dugout in celebration—a celebration that reached first base almost before Olmedo did.

The win took the Dodgers off the hook, both for their lack of clutch hitting and for their questionable defense. The Dodgers left thirteen guys on base and blew chances to break the game open in the second, fifth, and sixth innings. WIth two on and nobody out in the sixth, Wilson Betemit found a new way not to contribute, forcing Russell Martin at third with a terrible sacrifice bunt attempt. Betemit is an easy target, of course, but he's not alone in his ineptitude. This team has all the charisma of a shampoo bottle.

Ahead 1-0 going into the eighth, it was time for the Dodgers' defense to come up short. Dumb aggressiveness by Andre Ethier put a runner at third for Arizona, and a line drive to center that Juan Pierre seemed to hesitate on quickly cashed in the run. Other than Olmedo's hit and Brad Penny's start (six shutout innings), the Dodgers can't be particularly proud of Tuesday's game.

In other Dodger news, Yhency Brazoban is a month ahead of schedule in his rehab from ligament replacement surgery, and could join the Dodgers within a week. What it means for the roster is unclear, but what it means for fans in the field level is obvious: get ready to catch a flying ligament.