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> NOVEMBER 2005 November
30, 2005
While the Dodgers search for a manager, free agents are searching for teams. The Dodgers have been rumored to be in pursuit of Brian Giles and Rafael Furcal, but think about it for a minute. These are guys who have at least four or five teams to choose from. Unless a guy grew up in Echo Park and fantasizes over playing within walking distance from grandma's house, why would anyone choose to play for the Dodgers (assuming, even, that the Dodgers are willing to spend big money, which they aren't)? The team is a wreck, the owner is dumb and pompous, and Jeff Kent is surly. Choosing to play for the Dodgers—with what's been going on lately—would be like walking into a Carrows Restaurant for dinner after seeing people walking out with puke running down their faces. Or something like that. Ned Colletti, bless his incredibly-slow-to-get-his-shit-together heart, is not in an enviable position. Frankly, squatting on all fours in a lion's cage with a piece of meat sticking out of his ass would be a more enviable position. November
29, 2005
November
26, 2005
A week ago, VP of communications Camille Johnston indicated that the increase would be "nominal." If 30% (the amount that some Field Level seats have increased) is nominal, then we have very different definitions of the word. For the first time, the average price of a Dodger ticket has topped $20. Yet, it's not the price of a ticket that we object to; it's what fans are getting for their money. If you're paying for a Rolex, it's a little disappointing to open up the box and find a Casio. It's even more disappointing to find a Casio smeared with bird vomit—and that's what Dodger fans got in 2005. Sadly, all signs point to even more bird vomit in 2006. The Dodgers have yet to make any moves, and sources have repeatedly said that McCourt plans to lower the payroll to about $75 million. McCourt continues to insist that he'll spend what it takes to win, but to win what, exactly? Sixty games? The biggest problem, unfortunately, doesn't have anything to do with Frank McCourt. It has to do with Dodger fans who'll continue to buy tickets regardless of the product on the field. The 2005 Dodgers had the second worst record in LA Dodger history, yet they came up just 5,000 fans short of the LA Dodger attendance record. It's like a girl who keeps going back to her abusive boyfriend... and then wonders why she keeps getting abused. It's remarkable that Dodger fans show the kind of support they do despite the lack of love they get in return, but until fans stop going to the stadium, Frank McCourt has absolutely no incentive to put money into the team. If millions of fans show up to see Hee Seop Choi, why would the Dodgers go after someone with a salary four times the size? So, you can go ahead and complain about the increase in ticket prices, but if you're truly tired of the product, stop buying it. November
24, 2005
Never have the Dodgers been less respected in baseball--and for good reason. Who's not going to laugh at the way the Dodgers have gone about finding a manager? Even with Ned Colletti now heading the search, it's still a joke. He keeps saying that he has two candidates in mind (other than the exciting Jim Fregosi), but he has yet to contact either candidate for an interview. Pardon our lack of front office experience, but isn't there something a little strange about that? If hiring a manager is Colletti's first priority, wouldn't it be in his best interest to SET UP SOME FUCKING INTERVIEWS??? Maybe he's just incredibly deliberate. Maybe he's just afraid of being turned down. Maybe he's just stupid. Maybe we're being too impatient. Maybe we should give him a chance. Maybe we'll eat stuffing and cranberries until we vomit. Maybe we'll save the vomit and mail it to Frank McCourt's office. Gobble, gobble, Frankie. November
20, 2005
As for Fregosi, well... if his career is any indication, he'd be a perfect addition to the Dodgers—mainly because he's used to getting fired. As a player, Fregosi was traded twice, sold to another team once, and released once. As a manager, Fregosi has been fired four times. For those counting at home, that's eight times that a team has given up on him. Eight times. Sure, Fregosi has experience, but experience doing what? Cleaning out his locker? Cleaning out his office? Cleaning his championship ring? Whoops, check that. He doesn't have a championship ring. Our bad. Fregosi managed fifteen seasons for a total of four teams. With three of those four teams, Fregosi has a losing record. Only twice in those fifteen years did Fregosi's team finish in first place. That's not great. In fact, it's pretty terrible. So what does Colletti see in Fregosi? Well, first of all he sees a friend, as he has ties to Fregosi from their days with the Giants. Second of all, he sees a guy who's managed some very mediocre teams, meaning he'll be very comfortable with the Dodgers for the next few years. And third of all, he wasn't on Paul DePodesta's list, meaning he isn't a stat geek. Make no mistake, Frank McCourt is going old school. Don't be surprised, in fact, if the Dodgers get rid of the scoreboard at Dodger Stadium altogether. That way, not only will fans not be able to see Hee Seop Choi's OBP, they won't even be able to see how many home runs he has (or doesn't have). Next change for the Dodgers: stirrups. November
16, 2005
November
15, 2005
The hiring of Ned Colletti may not necessarily turn out to be a bad move, but it was, without a doubt, the wrong move. We aren't saying that strictly because it's our job to rip Frank McCourt to shreds every time he makes a decision. If he made a decision we agreed with, we'd definitely acknowledge it. It's just so happens that we haven't agreed with anything yet. The GM choice is no exception. We made it clear yesterday that Kim Ng should be the Dodgers' GM. While we certainly won't equate this to the Dodgers' decision to let Mike Scioscia go in '99, it's a mistake the Dodgers are likely to regret—perhaps not on the field itself, but as an organization trying to restore its rapidly-eroding name. If the McCourts are serious about regaining the respect that the organization once had, hiring Kim Ng would have been a great first step—not just because of the vagina, but because it would have favored stability over yet another change. Colletti may be alright, but he's starting from scratch—and you can't expect a team to get anywhere if you keep changing its direction. Now that Ng's future with the Dodgers has hit a dead end, she'll likely leave the organization—and likely end up running the show somewhere else in the near future. McCourt isn't shedding any tears, though, since Ng's departure would create another opportunity for him to replace a Dan Evans hire with a clown of his own. We might be getting ahead of ourselves, though. Knowing the McCourts' history, you've got to wonder if they even told Ng about their decision yet. Hey Jamie, should we call Kim? No Frank, our free minutes don't start until after nine. She'll read about it in the paper tomorrow. November
14, 2005
(1) She's familiar with the organization (or what's left of it). She's been with the Dodgers for four years, knows the farm system, and knows that the McCourts are insane. The Dodgers are already at a disadvantage by not having a GM in mid-November, but hiriNG someone from within will undoubtedly save the Dodgers time gettiNG an outsider up to speed. Plus, she's already got direct deposit, so that saves the fatty in HR a little bit of time. (2) She's been exposed to a broad range of general managers. (She's probably been exposed to other thiNGs too, but we won't speculate.) Ng has worked closely with Brian Cashman, Dan Evans, and Paul DePodesta, all of whom have a different style—and we're not talkiNG about Evans' choice of shirts. If Ng spent the last six or seven years takiNG good notes, she probably understands that there's not one style of management that works 100% of the time. If she briNGs together elements of Cashman, Evans, and DePodesta, the Dodgers should consider themselves lucky. (3) The Dodgers were the team to break the color barrier on the field—they should be the team to break the gender barrier off the field. Hell, no guy has got the Dodgers to the World Series in seventeen years—enough with the doNG. Plus, it's clear that the McCourts are obsessed with their image, and there'd be no greater boost to their image than openiNG the management door to women. (We thought this happened when Fred Claire was hired, but it turns out he was a dude.) Baseball is ready. BriNG the NG! (This article, of course, ensures that Ned Colletti will be the next Dodgers GM.) November
10, 2005
What Frank McCourt is doing (or not doing, actually), well... it can't be defined by any of those words. By getting rid of his general manager and letting weeks go by without a replacement, Frank McCourt is really doing three things: (1) Proving that he fired Paul DePodesta on a whim without looking beyond that very moment, (2) Cementing his reputation as a complete idiot, and (3) Deeply screwing the Dodgers in the rectum. Maybe we're just stupid, but we keep waiting for Frank McCourt to do something right. We keep thinking he'll learn from his past mistakes. We keep thinking he'll get his shit together. Every time there's a decision to be made or situation to be handled, we think, "OK, maybe now is when he turns it around. Now he'll finally get it." But he doesn't get it. He doesn't care to get it. He doesn't know how to get it. Honestly, is there any proof that he made it past second grade? Ask any third grader and he'd tell you that you might want to have a GM and a manager going into the heart of the offseason. Apparently, however, Frank McCourt isn't particularly concerned. As of Thursday, he had formally interviewed one person for DePodesta's job—Kim Ng. Apparently he's spoken with John Hart, may talk to Dennis Gilbert, and who the hell knows about Theo Epstein. Team spokesman Josh Rawitch confirmed Thursday that Giants' VP Ned Colletti would be interviewed but said he didn't know when. Doesn't know when? What, Frank's too busy to conduct interviews? What's that, he's got some advertisers to dine and blow? Jesus Christ, man, wake the hell up. It's one thing to be deliberate. It's quite another to completely drop the ball, and that's what McCourt is doing. While other teams are forging ahead with their offseason plans, the Dodgers are sitting in the garage stuck in park. Free agents can begin talking to teams on Friday, which basically means there's one less team for players to talk to. Even after the Dodgers pick a GM from the long list of interested candidates, there's still a manager to hire. Considering the pace at which McCourt is moving, that might not happen for a few more weeks—long enough to affect how the Dodgers assemble their team. Speaking about his client Paul Konerko, agent Craig Landis said, "He certainly wouldn't sign on anywhere without knowing who the manager is." In some cases, isn't it enough to know who the owner is? November
7, 2005
Though McCourt won't be attending the general manager meetings that start Tuesday in Palm Springs, Kim Ng and Roy Smith will be representing the Dodgers. They also have interns on-call in the event that Ng and Smith are fired during the meetings. Ng formally interviewed for the GM job over the weekend, although no one is saying much. Wait, let's see if Tommy has something to say. Tommy, what's your opinion of Ng's interview? "What's my opinion of Ng's interview!? What the BLEEP do you think is my opinion of it? I think it was BLEEPING BLEEP. Put that in, I don't BLEEP. Opinion of her interview!!? BLEEP, she's sitting there with two BLEEPING BLEEPS on her chest. What the BLEEP do you mean, 'What is my opinion of her interview?' How could you ask me a question like that, 'What is my opinion of her interview?' BLEEP, she has a BLEEPING BLEEP between her legs! BLEEP. I'm BLEEPING pissed off to have heard that BLEEPING interview. And you ask me my opinion of her interview! BLEEP. That's a tough question to ask me, isn't it? 'What is my opinion of her interview?' November
5, 2005
Let's start with number one. The general manager job is open in one of baseball's most storied franchises, and no one seems interested. Pat Gillick chose Philly. Gerry Hunsicker chose Tampa Bay. Kevin Towers chose to stay in San Diego. And John Hart, who the Dodgers are luring, is apparently thinking twice about the opportunity. You can't blame any of them. What was once a dream job in baseball circles has become the summer job at Arby's that you fall back on when you can't find anything else. People once lined up for interviews with the Dodgers. Now people change their phone numbers so no one from the Dodgers can call them. Poor Kim Ng has nowhere to hide. Now onto number two. It's already been well-established that the McCourts are insane and fired DePodesta largely because they couldn't handle the media pressure. We're not going to dwell on that. What we want to talk about is the fan reaction to the firing. More than anything, the firing revealed the dichotomy that's emerged in baseball: that of traditionalists vs. statisticians. When DePodesta was fired, it wasn't just Dodger fans who were upset. In fact, those who were the most upset weren't even Dodger fans at all—they were fans of Sabermetrics. DePodesta was one of their heroes. The firing was a kick in the balls to each and every one of them. And they fought back. They bitched, they argued, and they wrote—and because they're generally intelligent people, they wrote a lot. And because they're so goddamn full of themselves, they wrote about how the average baseball fan just doesn't understand the genius of the Sabermetrics approach. What's amazing is that more and more people seem to be jumping on this Billy Beane bandwagon. What's depressing is that—at least in our opinion—they're jumping on it not because they truly believe in it, but because it's the "in" thing. The iPod nano... ringtones... Sabermetrics. Truth be told, our problem is not with Sabermetrics itself—it's with the Sabermetricians who think it's the be all and end all. While there's definite legitimacy to OPS and WHIP, you simply can't build a successful, fan-friendly team with statistics alone. Unfortunately, these people are too smart for their own good. They discount the intangibles of sports, believing instead that the solution is purely in the numbers. Forgive our lack of sophistication, but that's bullshit. If it were purely in the numbers, Scott Posednik and Geoff Blum wouldn't have hit game-winning home runs that brought the White Sox a World Championship. If it were purely in the numbers, the 1988 Dodgers would not have beat the Mets, and sure as hell wouldn't have beat the mighty A's. Sorry, Sabers, but in sports it's more than the numbers. Not to columnist David Damiani, though, who wrote this in an article about the DePodesta firing:"Heart in modern sports writing is the last refuge of a scoundrel who doesn’t care to make an effort to understand his topic and has abject contempt for his subject and audience." Hey David, don't fall when you get off your high horse. Prick. The big problem is that people seem to think you've got to be one or the other—you've either got to be a crusty traditionalist or a stat geek. There's no reason for it to be so black and white, though. How about a nice shade of travelling grey? It's called balance. Somewhere in between Paul DePodesta and Tommy Lasorda lies that balance. Let's hope the Dodgers' next GM can find it—if they ever find him. (Or her.) November
1, 2005
Frank McCourt: Orel, we'd like you to come in again. Hershiser: Terrific, so I'm still in the running for manager? FM: I can't tell you that. OH: So are you saying I might be a GM candidate? FM: I can't tell you that. OH: Am I going to be the new scoreboard operator? FM: You're really asking a lot of questions. Just come in and we'll talk. OH: Uh... ok. When should I fly in? FM: I can't tell you that. But meet me behind the bleachers. Knock twice on the outfield wall. The password is 'Eckersley.' OH: Why is the password Eckersley? FM: What, you don't remember the home run you hit off him? OH:
Sorry, Frank... gotta go. Jesus is calling. |
Adding
another random name to the growing list of underwhelming candidates
competing to become the Dodgers' next manager, Ned Colletti plans
to interview Cleveland third base Joel Skinner this weekend. Skinner
joins Jim Fregosi, Grady Little, Manny Acta, and John McLaren, all
of whom have no connections whatsoever to the Dodgers. Hell, very
few of the Dodger players have any connections whatsoever to the
Dodgers, so why should the manager be any different? Rumor has it
that Colletti was searching through a box of '89 Topps when he came
across Skinner's card. "Is that Ryne Sandberg?" Colletti
asked Kim Ng. "No," said Ng. "Ryne Sandberg wasn't
a catcher, wasn't on the Indians, and didn't have a .228 career
batting average." Intrigued nonetheless, Colletti demanded
that Ng arrange an interview. "Joel, now that's a nice name,"
Colletti thought aloud. "It reminds me of the butcher at the
Italian deli my father would send me to when I was a kid. Kim, did
I ever tell you the story of the ham? Every Sunday I'd buy five
pieces of boiled ham..."
Using
Paul DePodesta's old computer, Ned Colletti took time Tuesday afternoon
to chat online with Dodger fans—the fourteen who remain, at least.
Fans asked stimulating questions about the minor league system,
the need for power, and the team's ability to compete in 2006. Colletti,
of course, evaded most of the questions, but that's because Frank
McCourt was standing beside him with a gun to his head. Nonetheless,
here are the questions that should have been asked, but
weren't:
If
you looked behind home plate during a Dodger home game last season,
you'd have likely seen Frank McCourt sitting in the second row,
just a few feet from the Dodger dugout. Close enough to the field
to smell Olmedo's armpits, you'd think that McCourt would have noticed
that the Dodgers lost 91 games. You'd think he would have realized
that fans weren't particularly happy. You'd think he'd glance around
and be thankful that anyone showed up to watch that crappy
excuse for a team. You'd think those things, but you'd be wrong.
Showing just how little respect he has for the 3.6 million people
who came though the turnstiles in '05, McCourt presented Dodger
fans with a Thanksgiving Day gift on Thursday: an increase in ticket
prices.
Once
upon a time, people jumped at the chance to manage the Los Angeles
Dodgers. Once upon a time, the Dodgers were rumored to be in the
running for big free agents and stars on the trading block. Once
upon a time, Dodger fans actually had things to be thankful for
on Thanksgiving. Not exactly the case these days. Jim Thome has
gone to Chicago, Josh Beckett has gone to Boston, Carlos Delgado
has gone to New York, and Bud Black is the latest guy to express
lukewarm interest in managing the Dodgers. Out of the 34 players
mentioned on ESPN's rumor page, just one is rumored to be on the
Dodgers' list. 
Ned
Colletti's search for a manager is well underway, but all signs
keep pointing to one person: Jim Fregosi. Not only did the Dodgers
interview Fregosi, they did it on his turf, sending Kim Ng and Roy
Smith to Florida to join Colletti for the interview. The Dodgers
say the interview was conducted in Florida because Colletti was
in the area for a wedding, but we all know it was because they'd
be 3,000 miles from Tommy Lasorda. 
It
looks like the road ahead may be bumpy for Jamie McCourt. There's
a new love in Frank's life, and his name is Ned Colletti. The former
Giants' assistant GM was introduced on Wednesday morning as the
general manager of the Dodgers... and there's a good bet he's still
standing there talking. Amazing as it sounds, Tommy Lasorda might
have met his match. Colletti spoke of the managerial search, the
farm system, the front office, his role models, his experience,
his family, his bowel movements, and his collection of old food
that gets caught in his moustache. Introducing Colletti, Frank McCourt
did everything but give the guy a happy ending. "Ned and I
hit it off," said McCourt. "We had chemistry immediately
and that's a very good sign." Well, it's a good sign for Frank.
Whether it's a good sign for Dodger fans remains to be seen. Frankly,
we're a little skeptical of someone who gets along so well with
McCourt. We're also a little skeptical of someone who, according
to sources, might be looking at Lou Pinella or Jim Fregosi as the
next Dodger manager. You might as well shove Tommy back in the dugout
if Pinella and Fregosi are on the radar. To Colletti's credit, he
did come across during the press conference as a guy with some personality,
a sense of humor, and a love of the game. Now if he'll just shut
the hell up and get to work, maybe the Dodgers will have a team
come April.
Passing
up a Dodger insider who's carried herself with nothing but grace
and integrity for four years, Frank McCourt hired a man who's carried
a San Francisco Giants business card for the last nine. Ned Colletti,
assistant GM of the Giants since 1997, will be introduced as the
new general manager of the Dodgers on Wednesday. After being turned
down by countless candidates over the past few weeks, McCourt has
finally and desperately turned to the enemy. It's probably childish
that Colletti's past with the Giants bothers us, but as a Dodger
fan, how can it not? We'll certainly get over it, but for the moment
it's a little disturbing. Even more disturbing, however, is knowing
who the McCourts passed up.
It's
been nearly three weeks since Paul DePodesta was fired and as of
Monday, the Dodgers are still without a GM. So, you ask, what's
Frank McCourt waitiNG for? Well, clearly
he's waitiNG for us to tell him what
to do. So here goes: stop raisiNG ticket
prices, wipe that slimy grin off your face, and HIRE KIM NG. There
are tons of reasons why she's the right person. Well, maybe not
tons of reasons, but at least three. 
According
to the American Heritage Dictionary, the definition of procrastinate
is "to put off doing something, especially out of habitual
carelessness or laziness." To mull, according to the
dictionary, means "to go over extensively in the mind; ponder."
And to contemplate means "to consider carefully and
at length." 
With
the list of GM candidates drying up like your mom's privates, Frank
McCourt has been left with no choice but to consider a familiar
name: Dan Evans. Well, it's a familiar name to most of us... but
evidently not to Frank. "Dan Evans... yeah... I sort of remember
him," said McCourt, rubbing his chin. "It's just that
I've fired so many people since then. Wait, is he the guy with the
southern drawl who broadcasted games?" Told that Evans was
the GM who Paul DePodesta replaced, McCourt snapped his fingers
and nodded. "Oh, of course, the guy who wore pink shirts. You
know, people in Boston don't wear pink shirts."
Within
a few days of Paul DePodesta's firing, two things became clear:
(1) No one wants to be the guy to replace him, and (2) a lot of
people wanted to have sex with him.
The
search for a new general manager is now in it's fourth day, but
it's anyone's guess who's on the Dodgers' list. Two Dodger spokespersons
said on Monday that the search would be cloaked in secrecy. That
means one of three things: (1) They haven't a clue what they're
doing, (2) They think they're invading another country, or (3) Drew
McCourt is the leading candidate. There's one thing we do know:
Pat Gillick won't be the Dodgers' GM. God bless the Phiilies for
sweeping up that old fossil. While Tommy Lasorda is in mourning
over Gillick's choice, maybe someone can slip a muzzle over his
rigatoni-filled mouth. If it's not Gillick he's yammering about,
it's Bobby Valentine. Lasorda has made it clear for years that he'd
love to see Valentine end up with the Dodgers, but the former Met
manager says he's happy in Japan. He'd have to be a glutton for
punishment if he were to take the Dodger job. The Dodgers did contact
him, and rumor is that McCourt might be interested in having him
serve as both the manager and general manager. What better
way for McCourt to save money than to have one employee do two jobs.
Hell, might as well sign a guy who can play shortstop and third
at the same time. You could have him drag the infield between innings,
too. As for the latest on Orel Hershiser, he appears headed to LA
this week for another interview. For what job, however, he doesn't
have a clue. Imagine the conversation...