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> NOVEMBER 2007 November 21, 2007 This float would sink
Riding on the float will be an assortment of Dodgers including Tommy Lasorda (who surely hopes the float will be decorated with marinara sauce and basil), Vin Scully (who'll be searching the crowd for kids), Steve Garvey (who'll be searching the crowd for debt collectors), Fernando Valenzuela (who, for the sake of balance, hopefully sits on the opposite side from Lasorda), Nomar Garciaparra (who will likely strain his groin getting on the float), James Loney (who might be a Marlin by then), Nancy Bea Hefley (who was 60 when the Rose Parade began in 1890), and the peanut guy (with his questionable hair). I suppose it's fun that the Dodgers are participating in the Rose Parade, but for some reason I can't help thinking of the Deltas crashing the homecoming parade in Animal House with their "Eat Me" float. I keep fantasizing about slipping in my own Dodger Blues float right behind Lasorda, Scully, Nomar, and crew. The Dodgers can have Fernando and Nancy Bea—here's the cast on my float:
What better way to celebrate fifty years? November
16, 2007
With Friday's announcement, the Dodgers coaching staff is now set. Rick Honeycutt and Mariano Duncan will remain, and Don Mattingly, Larry Bowa, Howell, and Schaefer will join the team. Howell, who like Honeycutt and Duncan had the misfortune of witnessing Tom Neidenfuer pitch to Jack Clark in Game 6 of the 1985 NLCS, has been coaching in the Dodgers minor league system. Schaefer was supposedly a bench coach with Oakland last season, and probably could have been given Dan Warthen's jersey without anyone knowing the difference. In other news, the Dodgers and Angels appear to be locked in a bidding war for Miguel Cabrera. The problem with that is that Ned Colletti is apt to lose his fucking mind and deal Matt Kemp, Chad Billingsley, James Loney, Andy LaRoche, and the team bus. Cabrera would be a nice addition, but at what cost? How can the Dodgers afford to lose Loney and Billingsley? What are you going to do, count on Nomar at first? Or bring Randy Wolf back to fill out the rotation? Even if Colletti doesn't empty the farm for the Fatty from Florida, what are the chances that he actually gives a guy like Kemp or LaRoche the opportunity to play everyday? I don't think he can bring himself to do that. He sees veterans like Torii Hunter and Shannon Stewart on the free agent list—or someone like Scott Rolen on the trading block—and wets his pants. Rumor has it he's interested in Joe Crede, who spent most of last season on the disabled list. Speaking of the DL, there's Baltimore pitcher Erik Bedard, who's had one good season and a history of arm trouble, and Colletti is in hot pursuit. There's also been talk of centerfielder Aaron Rowand, which makes perfect sense for Colletti, since he could esentially pay $15 million to watch Matt Kemp collect rust. I'm not against signing a key free agent, and I'm not against trading prospects, but what I am against is doing it willy-nilly. That's what I fear most about Ned Colletti. If I watch him go through another offseason and end up with guys like Luis Gonzalez, Nomar Garciaparra, Juan Pierre, and Randy Wolf, I'm going to puke on myself. I don't know what the answer is to the Dodgers' problems, but it's not signing a bunch of veterans who'll be around for a year or two. I just have one request: If Colletti gets a new centerfielder (whether by trade or free-agent signing), I want him to personally apologize to all Dodger fans for the signing of Juan Pierre. I want him to admit that it was one of the most ignorant signings in baseball history and then I want him to shave his moustache. That's all I ask. November
9, 2007
The contract, apparently, would be a minor league one with an invitation to Spring Training. Usually the Spring Training invites don't start appearing in mailboxes until after New Years, but I guess the Dodgers had to jump on Park before someone else picked him up. I mean, those over-the-hill, injury-prone journeyman pitchers are a hot commodity these days. Park pitched a total of four innings last year and gave up seven runs—including two homers (neither of which, believe it or not, were to Fernando Tatis). Since he left the Dodgers in 2001, his ERA has been under 5.00 only once—and just barely. So why is Colletti all over him? Probably so he doesn't have to face the real challenge: trading for Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera would be a huge acquisition for the Dodgers. And not just huge because he's getting kind of fat. Huge because he's only 25, has two years left on his contract, puts up great stats, plays third base, and won't force the Dodgers to raise the price of tickets by $20 just to afford him. For a guy like Cabrera, I'd be willing to give up prospects—even guys like Matt Kemp, Andy LaRoche, and Clayton Kershaw. Definitely not all three of them, but maybe two... and, hell, throw in Nomar. With Miguel Cabrera on the block—and the Dodgers rich with prospects—blowing $200 million on Alex Rodriguez would be a fucking shame. And just think, with the money the Dodgers save by not signing A-Rod, they could pick up Brad Clontz, Mark Guthrie, and maybe even Antonio Osuna. "Antonio Osuna," says Ned with a smile. "What's his phone number?" November
5, 2007
November
1, 2007
And, apparently, he's out of his mind. He's joining an organization that hasn't done anything right for more than a decade (almost two, really), during which time he won two thousand games with the Yankees. He's joining an organization that has gone through three owners, six general managers, and five managers—all in the last ten years. He's joining an organization that draws 3.5 million fans a year and rewards them with five years of Juan Pierre. He wore pinstripes, and now he's going to work for pinheads. Fine, maybe I should give McCourt and Colletti a little credit. It pains me to do that, but let's face it: bringing in Torre is a really good move. (Yeah, $13 million is a shitload to pay a manager, but if they're willing to give Randy Wolf $8 million, why not $13 to Torre?) At 68 years old, Torre probably doesn't have the energy he once had, but he's a manager—a manager of talent, a manager of personalities, and a manager of the media. Grady Little, on the other hand, could barely manage to stand up. The Dodgers need a leader, and Torre is a leader. The Dodgers need someone with balls in the dugout and the clubhouse, and someone who isn't afraid to speak up to those in the front office. Maybe Frank and Ned don't know that about Torre, but they'll find out soon enough. Maybe one of these days they'll also figure out how to make changes without looking like complete assholes. I don't buy Grady Little's story for a second. He can talk about wanting to be home with the grandkids, but there's got to be more to the story. A guy doesn't just walk away from hundreds of thousands of dollars just to play with some little fucker who pees in his pants. Little and Colletti can say what they want, but I don't buy it. I don't believe that Joe Torre's availability had nothing to do with the decision, and I don't believe that it was a mutual decision—at least not initially. But what's done is done... unless you're Frank McCourt, who couldn't find a way to announce the hiring of Torre without putting down Little one last time: "As we celebrate the 50th Anniversary of the Dodgers moving to Los Angeles, we will again have a Hall of Fame caliber manager at the helm." (...as opposed to a farmer, he wanted to say.) McCourt's issues aside, the hiring of Torre (along with his coaches) is a huge step in the right direction for the Dodgers... as long as the Dodgers have some concept of what that direction is. They need a plan, and they need to stick to it. When I think of Ned Colletti, I think of a kid walking to the grocery store under strict orders from his mom to buy milk. Milk, milk, milk. But then he sees the ice cream truck pull up and he buys a popsicle. And then he sees some friends ride by on their new skateboards, so he pays them a dollar for a ride. And then at the market, he buys a rubber bouncy ball from a vending machine. The kid gets home with red lips, torn jeans, and a piece of rubber—but no milk. The Dodgers need to develop a plan, and then need to follow it—without being tempted by a free agent like Luis Gonzalez, or fooled by a more cunning GM into picking up an overpaid disaster like Esteban Loaiza. They need to ask themselves questions, and then come up with definitive answers. Does youth get a chance? If so, who? Which prospects can be traded? Who can fill in the gaps—not just for half a season, but for a couple years? Who are the free agents, not just this year, but next? And would anyone notice if Mark Hendrickson was given a one-way ticket to Yemen? If the Joe Torre hiring says anything (other than the fact McCourt occasionally knows a good PR move when he sees one), hopefully it says that the Dodgers are serious about getting serious. And hopefully Torre will have a better record as manager with the Dodgers than he had as a player against them. Over his 18 year playing career, he hit .265 against the Dodgers—his worst average against any team. He had an on-base percentage of .324 against the Dodgers—his worst against any team. His slugging percentage was .364 against the Dodgers—also, of course, his worst against any team. Hell, maybe it's a good omen. Generally, when guys do well against L.A., they do horrible once they're actually a member of the team. Darryl Strawberry, Jim Eisenreich, Craig Counsell, Jeromy Burnitz... the list goes on and on. Maybe the key is to get guys who sucked against the Dodgers. Maybe Joe Torre is just the beginning. What's funny is that before Torre even begins his Dodger career, everyone's talking about the end of it. He's being given a three-year contract, and at his age, he probably won't be around much beyond that. So what then? Well, the Dodgers are hoping the three years is enough time for Torre to establish some stability and groom Don Mattingly for the job (if Mattingly doesn't get fired before then). It's hard for me to believe that that Frank McCourt and Ned Colletti are actually looking into the future (especially since Colletti doesn't figure to be part of the future much longer), but maybe they're finally beginning to understand that you can't just look year to year. Maybe they truly want to re-build the organization. Maybe they want to give Dodger fans the team that they deserve. Maybe I'm smoking crack and should smack myself across the face. There, that's better. Fucking McCourt. |
Continuing
to capitalize on the team's 50th Anniversary celebration since
there aren't any recent Championships to generate any excitement,
the Dodgers announced the details of their Rose Parade float earlier
this week. The float will be modeled after Dodger Stadium, Frank
McCourt said, although there was no word on whether we're talking
about the classy stadium of the 60's or the advertisement-plastered
stadium of recent years. 
From
Alex Rodriguez staying put in New York to Barry Bonds getting
indicted on counts of perjury and obstruction of justice, there
seem to be huge baseball stories breaking every day. The Dodgers
broke a huge story of their own on Friday, announcing that former
Dodger Ken Howell and some guy named Bob Schaefer would join their
coaching staff. Okay, so it doesn't have the drama of the A-Rod
and Bonds stories, but it does have huge implications for Dodger
fans: they'll no longer get to see Dan Warthen in the bullpen.
It's a crushing blow to fans who've tearfully watched favorites
such as Mike Piazza, Paul Lo Duca, and Adrian Beltre leave over
the years. Now Dan Warthen? Will the pain never end?
Apparently
Ned Colletti is getting Christmas presents for all of the Dodgers
this year, and he's giving Mark Hendrickson and Esteban Loaiza
their present early. The gift: a pitcher who sucks even worse
than they do—Chan Ho Park. Though the deal isn't completely
done yet, the Dodgers have confirmed that they're working on something.
What's the hang-up? Whether there are three zeros in his contract
or four? Whether he signs a "no karate kick" clause?
Whether to guarantee him an additional seventy-five bucks if he
makes it through April without going on the DL?
For
about an hour and a half on Monday morning, Joe Torre stood in
centerfield at Dodger Stadium to give Dodger fans hope—hope
that's it was an hour and a half more than Juan Pierre will spend
in centerfield this season. After being formally introduced by
Vin Scully and Frank McCourt, Torre spoke of his childhood as
a Giants fan, his time with the Yankees, and his managerial philosophy.
It wasn't particularly odd to see Torre in a Dodger uniform, probably
because it isn't particularly odd to see anyone in a Dodger
uniform considering how often players, managers, and coaches come
and go. The hiring of Torre can be looked at as just another big
change in a constantly changing organization—or as a necessary
change to hopefully establish a framework for stability. (By the
way, I can promise you that as long as I have this web site, I'll
never again use the phrase establish a framework for stability.
I don't have a clue what the hell I'm talking about.) On that
note, here are some thoughts from today's press conference: 
Okay,
so how long before Joe Torre regrets his decision to manage the
Dodgers? A year? A month? Three days? Does he know that Esteban
Loaiza is on the Dodgers? Does he know that Frank McCourt hasn't
told the truth since elementary school? Has anyone told him that
under Ned Colletti's moustache sits a man with an IQ of forty?
The fact is, Joe Torre is too good for the Dodgers. He's not perfect
and he's certainly no savior, but there are two things that separate
him from almost everyone else in the Dodger front office: (1)
he knows baseball and (2) he has class.