October
30, 2003 "My
house burned, but I got a bobblehead!"
Responding
to the devastating wildfires in Southern California, the Dodgers
stepped up on Wednesday, giving evacuees just what they needed:
Dodger crap. During a two-hour visit to an evacuation center in
San Bernardino, Jim Tracy, Glenn Hoffman, and Shawn Green handed
out visors, Tommy Lasorda dolls, and bobbleheads. After deciding
earlier in the week to buy out the remaining year of Brian Jordan's
contract, the Dodgers were left with thousands of still-wrapped
BJ bobbleheads. Jim Tracy initially brought them home to his children,
but after they began tearing off BJ's limbs, the Dodger manager
(of the moment, at least) decided to donate them to a more worthy
cause. Hundreds of children at the San Bernardino evacuation center
were given a BJ bobblehead, although many were seen immediately
throwing them into the fire. Just days earlier, Tracy's Claremont
home was threatened by the fire. The Dodgers organization, however,
rebuffed Tracy's request to use Mike Kinkade and Jason Romano to
hose down his roof.
October
25, 2003 Exciting
news: Dodgers re-sign Kida
To
the pleasure of hundreds of thousands of Dodger fans who know the
future of the organization rests on his shoulders, the Dodgers announced
on Friday that they have signed pitcher Masao Kida to a minor league
contract. Kida was 0-1 with a 3.00 ERA in three games for the Dodgers
in 2003. Fans can now rest easy this winter. In other mind-blowing
news, the Dodgers have announced that the entire groundscrew will
be retained for 2004, the palm trees behind the Dodger bullpen have
grown two inches since 1997, and the team will continue to wear
hats. Meanwhile, the LA Times reported on Wednesday that Frank McCourt's
22-year-old son might have a significant role with the team once
the ownership change is approved. Unless the kid can drive in 100
runs or work the Carls Jr. registers faster than the 95-year-olds
who work them now, nobody needs him.
October
20, 2003 Dodgers
to unveil new uniforms
While
the McCourt group's purchase of the Dodgers has yet to be approved
by Major League Baseball, wholesale changes have already begun.
Dodger Blues has learned that the team will soon unveil a new uniform
for the 2004 season, one designed with comfort in mind. "We
feel that traditional baseball uniforms are a bit too restrictive,"
said McCourt advisor Corey Busch. "We've done some research
and it's clear to us that the Dodgers' lack of offense in 2003 had
a lot to do with uncomfortable pants. Those things can get hot."
The new uniforms, designed to keep the Dodgers cool, feature cut-off
jean shorts and a t-shirt tied above the belly. "We realize
that it's a bit unconventional, and some people may laugh at us,"
said Busch, "but once we're leading the league in batting,
we'll see who has the last laugh." A few Dodger players seemed
to share that sentiment. "I think it's great," said Ron
Coomer. "It'll keep me cool, and besides, I work really hard
to keep my stomach flat. Finally I'll get to show it off."
Dave Roberts agreed: "Coomer does work very hard on his tummy."
One Dodger, however, didn't seem particularly excited. "Fuck
if I care," yelled Mike Kinkade. "I just sit on the bench
anyway."
October
10 , 2003 Fox
finds a sucker
After
five miserable years, the Fox Entertainment Group announced on Friday
that they've finally come to an agreement on the sale of the Dodgers.
Barring opposition from the other team owners, Boston real estate
developer Frank McCourt will soon take over ownership of the Dodgers.
We're not talking about the same Frank McCourt who won the 1997
Pulitzer Prize for Biography, but let's be frank: even the author
could run the Dodgers better than Fox. Hell, a retarded duck would
know better than to trade Mike Piazza. Speaking of retards, here's
what Peter Chernin—president and chief operating officer of
the Fox Entertainment Group—had to say about the sale: "We
have been privileged to own one of America's most enduring sports
franchises for more than five years." And here's what Dodger
Blues has to say to Chernin: "Fuck off, Peter." As for
the agreement to buy the team, inside sources reveal that McCourt
will complete the sale only under one condition: Fox must take Todd
Hundley with them.
October
5 , 2003 Dodger
fans can experience pleasure after all
While
the Dodgers' season gave fans little to get excited about, the playoffs
have been a different story. The Giants have been eliminated—knocked
off by the underdog Marlins in four games—and Dodger fans should
take great pleasure in this beautiful event. Rub it in to your Giant-loving
friends (whose friendship, incidentally, you should question). See
how many times this winter you can mention J.T. Snow in a conversation.
Or Jose Cruz, Jr. Sure, a Giants fan will probably make some crack
like, "Well, at least we made the playoffs," but
truthfully how magnificent is a 100-win season when you win just
one postseason game? Now is the time for Dodger fans to forget about
Daryle Ward's ass, Ron Coomer's gut, Brian Jordan's worthless bobble-head,
and Darren Dreifort's wasted salary. Stop thinking about Dan Evans'
pink shirts for a minute and celebrate the Giants' failure. Pathetic
perhaps, to only gain pleasure through someone else's misery? Maybe.
But enjoyable? Hell yes.
Responding
to the devastating wildfires in Southern California, the Dodgers
stepped up on Wednesday, giving evacuees just what they needed:
Dodger crap. During a two-hour visit to an evacuation center in
San Bernardino, Jim Tracy, Glenn Hoffman, and Shawn Green handed
out visors, Tommy Lasorda dolls, and bobbleheads. After deciding
earlier in the week to buy out the remaining year of Brian Jordan's
contract, the Dodgers were left with thousands of still-wrapped
BJ bobbleheads. Jim Tracy initially brought them home to his children,
but after they began tearing off BJ's limbs, the Dodger manager
(of the moment, at least) decided to donate them to a more worthy
cause. Hundreds of children at the San Bernardino evacuation center
were given a BJ bobblehead, although many were seen immediately
throwing them into the fire. Just days earlier, Tracy's Claremont
home was threatened by the fire. The Dodgers organization, however,
rebuffed Tracy's request to use Mike Kinkade and Jason Romano to
hose down his roof.
To
the pleasure of hundreds of thousands of Dodger fans who know the
future of the organization rests on his shoulders, the Dodgers announced
on Friday that they have signed pitcher Masao Kida to a minor league
contract. Kida was 0-1 with a 3.00 ERA in three games for the Dodgers
in 2003. Fans can now rest easy this winter. In other mind-blowing
news, the Dodgers have announced that the entire groundscrew will
be retained for 2004, the palm trees behind the Dodger bullpen have
grown two inches since 1997, and the team will continue to wear
hats. Meanwhile, the LA Times reported on Wednesday that Frank McCourt's
22-year-old son might have a significant role with the team once
the ownership change is approved. Unless the kid can drive in 100
runs or work the Carls Jr. registers faster than the 95-year-olds
who work them now, nobody needs him.
While
the McCourt group's purchase of the Dodgers has yet to be approved
by Major League Baseball, wholesale changes have already begun.
Dodger Blues has learned that the team will soon unveil a new uniform
for the 2004 season, one designed with comfort in mind. "We
feel that traditional baseball uniforms are a bit too restrictive,"
said McCourt advisor Corey Busch. "We've done some research
and it's clear to us that the Dodgers' lack of offense in 2003 had
a lot to do with uncomfortable pants. Those things can get hot."
The new uniforms, designed to keep the Dodgers cool, feature cut-off
jean shorts and a t-shirt tied above the belly. "We realize
that it's a bit unconventional, and some people may laugh at us,"
said Busch, "but once we're leading the league in batting,
we'll see who has the last laugh." A few Dodger players seemed
to share that sentiment. "I think it's great," said Ron
Coomer. "It'll keep me cool, and besides, I work really hard
to keep my stomach flat. Finally I'll get to show it off."
Dave Roberts agreed: "Coomer does work very hard on his tummy."
One Dodger, however, didn't seem particularly excited. "Fuck
if I care," yelled Mike Kinkade. "I just sit on the bench
anyway."
After
five miserable years, the Fox Entertainment Group announced on Friday
that they've finally come to an agreement on the sale of the Dodgers.
Barring opposition from the other team owners, Boston real estate
developer Frank McCourt will soon take over ownership of the Dodgers.
We're not talking about the same Frank McCourt who won the 1997
Pulitzer Prize for Biography, but let's be frank: even the author
could run the Dodgers better than Fox. Hell, a retarded duck would
know better than to trade Mike Piazza. Speaking of retards, here's
what Peter Chernin—president and chief operating officer of
the Fox Entertainment Group—had to say about the sale: "We
have been privileged to own one of America's most enduring sports
franchises for more than five years." And here's what Dodger
Blues has to say to Chernin: "Fuck off, Peter." As for
the agreement to buy the team, inside sources reveal that McCourt
will complete the sale only under one condition: Fox must take Todd
Hundley with them.
While
the Dodgers' season gave fans little to get excited about, the playoffs
have been a different story. The Giants have been eliminated—knocked
off by the underdog Marlins in four games—and Dodger fans should
take great pleasure in this beautiful event. Rub it in to your Giant-loving
friends (whose friendship, incidentally, you should question). See
how many times this winter you can mention J.T. Snow in a conversation.
Or Jose Cruz, Jr. Sure, a Giants fan will probably make some crack
like, "Well, at least we made the playoffs," but
truthfully how magnificent is a 100-win season when you win just
one postseason game? Now is the time for Dodger fans to forget about
Daryle Ward's ass, Ron Coomer's gut, Brian Jordan's worthless bobble-head,
and Darren Dreifort's wasted salary. Stop thinking about Dan Evans'
pink shirts for a minute and celebrate the Giants' failure. Pathetic
perhaps, to only gain pleasure through someone else's misery? Maybe.
But enjoyable? Hell yes.