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> SEPTEMBER 2007 September 30, 2007 - Giants 11, Dodgers 2 Another one in the books 
While most Dodger fans spent Sunday afternoon at the
beach, doing laundry, or poking themselves in the balls with a steak
knife for the last time this year, some actually turned out to say
goodbye to the 2007 Dodgers in person. (Either that, or they just
couldn't pass up the chance to win a Wilson Valdez autographed sock.)
Forty-nine thousand douchebags bought tickets for Sunday's game, bringing
the weekend total to 135,000 and the season total to a record 3,857,036.
The Dodgers showed their appreciation for that support by getting
just six hits and losing 11-2.
Eric Stults and DJ Houlton—who should be five months into their new jobs at Baja Fresh by the time Spring Training starts next year—gave up a combined nine runs over seven innings to the last place Giants. Rookie phenom Jonathan Meloan then came on to give up another two runs, ending his season with a Mike Trombley-like 11.05 ERA. I could mention some other things about the game (like Juan Pierre being credited with as many outfield assists in the last 7 innings of the season as he had in the first 1,400 innings of the season) , but the energy in my fingers would be better spent picking dingleberries from a horse's sphincter. With Sunday's loss—their eleventh in the last fourteen games—the Dodgers end the season with a record of 82-80. Shocking, I thought Randy Wolf and Roberto Hernandez would take them all the way. Speaking of going all the way, I'll be halfway around the world on my honeymoon for the next couple weeks, so you'll have to forgive me if any of the following things happen without a Dodger Blues reaction:
September
23, 2007 -
Dodgers 7, Diamondbacks 1 "The team played very good today," Grady Little said. "We got a lot of production all up and down through the lineup, and it was good to see." Let me just run that statement through the bullshit translator... hang on a second... okay, here's the translation: "I think we won today. At least that's what one of the coaches said. Frankly I wasn't paying attention because I was staring at Esteban Loaiza's beard. And I think I saw a mouse in it. Is Brett Tomko still on my team? I haven't seen him in a while. Do you think Chin-Lung Hu should bat cleanup? I like peppermint." The Dodgers knocked out fifteen hits on Sunday—including four from Juan Pierre and home runs from Tony Abreu and James Loney—and Chad Billingsley gave up just a run over 5-2/3 innings. Joe Beimel, Jonathan Broxton, and Takashi Saito all pitched scoreless innings, and the Dodgers were flawless in the field. Thanks, guys, good timing. September
22, 2007 -
Diamondbacks 6, Dodgers 2 David Wells pitched like the man the Padres released, the Dodgers left nine guys on base, and Matt Kemp decided he was too good to run out a third strike wild pitch. In the Youth vs. Old Farts competition, the Youth went 6-for-17 and the Old Farts 2-for-19. With the shit-talking heating up in recent days as the team completely self-destructs, I'm eagerly anticipating a James Loney/Jeff Kent brawl in the dugout. It didn't happen on Saturday, but I won't give up hope—there are still seven games left. It's really the only thing keeping me going now. Well, that and the question of whether Olmedo Saenz can get above .190 (or eat a vegetable) before he retires. While officially eliminated in the NL West on Saturday, the Dodgers are still mathematically alive in the Wild Card race—although that just goes to show how stupid math is. Frankly, the end can't come soon enough. This whole thing is too depressing even for me—and I generally thrive on Dodger depression. Thankfully, next weekend will bring joy for two reasons: (1) I can finally stop writing about these assholes, and (2) I'm getting married. Only now can I safely say that my wedding will bring joy, because if the Dodgers were playing the Giants with the division on the line, I'd be walking down the aisle with a cordless earpiece tuned to KFWB. "I do," she'd say, gazing into my eyes... as I yell "Fucking Broxton!" September
20, 2007 -
Rockies 9, Dodgers 4 Derek Lowe had nothing on Thursday, walking five and giving up eight hits. It was 6-0 in the second inning, and if you listened close enough, you could actually hear the sound of the Dodgers crumbling. (Or was that someone accidentally stepping on Olmedo's potato chips?) With the loss, the Dodgers fall seven games back in the West and six and a half back in the Wild Card. More humiliating than that, though, is the fact that they're now two games behind Colorado. Colorado! Jeff Kent can sit there stroking his moustache and criticize the rookies all he wants, but they're not the ones to blame. In fact, the young guys have done nothing but help. The Dodgers are in the position they are because of Grady Little and Ned Colletti, period. I think it's safe to say that Little cost the Dodgers at least five games (maybe even ten) with awful game decisions, and Colletti fucked the team from the start by committing $108 million in the offseason to injured pitchers, over-the-hill veterans, and centerfielders who couldn't throw out so much as the trash if the fucking can was two feet away. It's a shame they won't even have the opportunity to lose three in a row in the playoffs this year. September
18, 2007 -
Rockies 3, Dodgers 1 / Rockies 9, Dodgers 8 In a day/night doubleheader in against the Rockies, the Dodgers watched their hopes for the postseason vanish into the thin air of Colorado. They went 0-for-7 with runners in scoring position in the first game, striking out ten times and watching their "professional" .190 pinch-hitter provide the only offense. In the evening game, David Wells gave up two leads and Jonathan Broxton and Takashi Saito provided the relief you'd expect from a Pepto Bismol tablet coated in razor blades. After Broxton gave up a 2-run homer in the bottom of the eighth to let the Rockies to within a run, Saito did the same with two outs in the ninth to give Colorado the walk-off win. The Dodgers sat in the dugout, stunned by Saito's blown save, but could they really have been stunned by the position they found themselves in? There's nothing sudden about the fact that they're now mere days from elimination. Aside from Saito's pitch to Todd Helton, there's nothing that happened Tuesday that's really that out-of-character for the Dodgers. Their starting pitching was mediocre, they left guys on base, their middle relief didn't get the job done, their lineups were bizarre... what's there to be surprised about? They haven't been a good team for the last two months, and you can't play two months of mediocre ball and expect to make the playoffs—even in the National League West. With eleven games remaining, the Dodgers now find themselves 4-1/2 games back in the Wild Card and 5-1/2 back in the West. Their chances? Let's just say that you have a better chance at a threesome with Katherine Heigl and Jessica Alba. Hell, you have a better chance catching Tommy Lasorda in a threesome with Katherine Heigl and Jessica Alba. (And if you do happen to catch that, please send pictures.) September
16, 2007
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Diamondbacks 6, Dodgers 1 Rafael Furcal provided the only Dodger run, hitting his sixth home run of the year in the fourth inning. The loss drops the Dodgers a game back of the Phillies and 2-1/2 games back of the Padres in the Wild Card race. It wasn't a total loss for Dodger fans, though, as they got to see Chad Moeller catch for two innings. September
14, 2007 -
Dodgers 7, Diamondbacks 4 Brad Penny was nothing to write home about, though, and the Dodgers found themselves down by two runs in the fifth. That's when they struck for four—two of which were unearned (not that the Dodgers care about earning anything). Nomar Garciaparra, fresh from the grave, came through with a home run to tie the game, and hits by Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier gave the Dodgers the lead. The bullpen threw four scoreless innings (no small feat—actually, feet—considering that Mark Hendrickson was among the hurlers) and Grady Little even brought in Takashi Saito in the eighth inning. Could it be that Little actually looked at the schedule and finally realized there's a sense of urgency? Or was he just not keeping track of the innings? He was probably sitting in the dugout fantisizing about Grady Little Bobblehead Night. Can't wait for that collector's item—you shake it and mashed potatoes ooze from his head. Of course I'm not supposed to write anything bad about Grady Little anymore because the Dodgers have won three in a row and are 1-1/2 games back of San Diego. Right, my bad, he's the best. September
12, 2007 -
Dodgers 6, Padres 1 With the Dodgers and Padres splitting the first two games of the series, Thursday's game now becomes a big one—just like every game between now and the time two weeks from now when they're officially screwed. It's the same old story. They play well enough to stay in the race, but not well enough for fans to really have any faith that they'd be a serious force in the postseason. I don't know, maybe some of you truly think it could happen. You look at Rafael Furcal and get excited. You still cheer Olmedo Saenz. You think Shawn Green is still on the team. And you wet your goddamn pants over a beachball, don't you? Get out of my way, I'm trying to watch Rudy Seanez. September
11, 2007 -
Padres 9, Dodgers 4 Already down 4-0 to Jake Peavy in the second inning, the Dodgers loaded the bases with two outs. Due up, Esteban Loaiza. Typically, I will admit, you're not going to remove your starting pitcher in the bottom of the second inning. But typically, you're also not down four runs to Jake Peavy with the prospect of falling even further back in a soon-to-be-over race for the Wild Card. If the Dodgers are going to get back in the race, it's going to be because they take some risks. Leaving Loaiza in to bat against Peavy isn't taking a risk. In fact, it's idiotic. Loaiza had already walked four and given up three hits—including a home run. He only escaped the first inning because Ethier nailed a guy at third. And Little leaves him in to bat with the bases loaded. Against Jake Peavy. Listen to those words: Bases loaded against Jake Peavy. You don't hear those words very often. You know why? Because Jake Peavy doesn't load the bases very often. If he does it once a game, you're lucky—and you'd better take advantage of it. But Grady Little sits there in the dugout without the balls to make something happen. What, he didn't have anyone ready in the bullpen? Well, with the way Loaiza pitched in the first two innings, he absolutely should have. What, he didn't want to waste a pinch-hitter that early in the game? Sure, you have to save Olmedo Saenz for the 8th inning when you're down by seven and need to pinch-hit for a guy batting .280 with 13 home runs. What, he didn't want to burn out his arms with a bunch of games left against San Diego and Arizona? Well great, he was able to get four more friggin' outs from Loaiza. Way to go, Grady, that really saved the pen—which, by the way, has eleven guys these days. It's mid-September and Grady Little is managing like it's mid-May... in the middle of Kansas. Here's hoping he follows the Yellow Brick Road—right into the middle of a forest fire. September
9, 2007 -
Giants 4, Dodgers 2 Don't worry, that wasn't the end of Little's brilliance. After Scott Proctor wild pitched Kevin Frandsen to third and struck out Randy Winn, Little turned to Barry Bonds killer Joe Beimel. Just 1-for-16 in his career against Beimel, Bonds stood at the plate while Little basically ordered him intentionally walked. I won't even get started on Little's decision to then bring in Jonathan Broxton, who had pitched the previous three days—two of which ended in disaster. (Sure, grooving an 0-2 pitch to Ray Durham was a pretty goddamn stupid thing to do, but Broxton shouldn't even have been in there at all. God forbid Takashi Saito get used for an inning and a half?) It wasn't exactly the greatest offensive showing for the Dodgers, with Jeff Kent's two solo shots providing the only offense, but you can't win a game when you're afraid to stick with your best pitcher, afraid to have a lefty challenge Bonds, and afraid to have your star closer pitch to a couple extra batters. The only thing Grady Little should be scared about is his job, which he doesn't deserve to have. September
8, 2007 -
Dodgers 6, Giants 2 Wells cruised through the first five innings before getting into trouble in the sixth. With one out, Kevin Frandsen singled and Scott McClain hit into a force play. Rajai Davis then hit a slow grounder to short. Needing to justify his existence, Shea Hillenbrand cut in front of Rafael Furcal and made a useless throw to second base that deflected off of McClain and rolled into left field. McClain scored, and then Davis scored on a triple by Nate Schierholtz. James Loney then prevented the tying run from scoring by scooping Rafael Furcal's shitty throw to first base to end the inning. After Wells pitched his seventh and last inning, Grady Little brought in his boyfriend Jonathan Broxton to pitch the eighth. Broxton, who undoubtedly gorged himself on potato skins after Friday's game, retired the Giants in order—including striking out Barry Bonds on an awkward check-swing. The Dodgers added three runs in the ninth, and Takashi Saito took care of the Giants in the bottom of the inning to end it. The Dodgers are now 5-3 in the month of September, which is nice if you're content with a third place finish, but not nice enough if you actually want to watch them play in October. Without sweeping a couple of their upcoming series with San Diego and Arizona, they're toast... and considering that they haven't swept a series against a division rival since mid-July, the bread is starting to crispen. September
6, 2007 -
Dodgers 7, Cubs 4 Russell Martin went 2-for-4, James Loney went 3-for-4 (and was the first Dodger to reach base—in the fifth inning), Matt Kemp had a big home run in the eighth, and Andre Ethier—coming off the bench in the ninth—took a Ryan Dempster pitch over the wall in left-center to propel the Dodgers to a come-from-behind victory. Tony Abreu and Andy LaRoche also started, making Luis Gonzalez the grandpa in left field. Not surprisingly, the grandpa acted like one, going 0-for-4 and losing his fake teeth. While the late-inning heroics were certainly enjoyable if you happened to be unemployed and sitting home in the middle of a Thursday afternoon, even more enjoyable should have been the pickoff of Daryle Ward in the first inning. Why enjoyable? I don't know, maybe it has something to do with the .183 he hit for the Dodgers in 2003. Just maybe. Thursday's win, coupled with off-days for the Diamondbacks and Padres, puts the Dodgers in striking distance—and not just for the Wild Card. They're 2-1/2 back in the Wild Card, and suddenly only 3-1/2 back in the West. The Dodgers are the hot girl who you had no chance with, and as soon as you came to terms with that, she's suddenly shaking her ass in your face. Now you're intrigued again... but just wait til she farts. September
5, 2007 -
Cubs 8, Dodgers 2 Meanwhile, it was another former Dodger who kept them quiet on Wednesday. Ted Lilly, who was traded in 1998 for superstars Hiram Bocachica and Carlos Perez, held the Dodgers to two runs in 6-2/3 innings. The Dodgers' only runs—both brought in by Mike Lieberthal—were the results of a sacrifice fly and a fallen outfielder. That's some impressive offense. The Cubs, however, were 6-for-15 with runners in scoring position and had little problem with Eric Stults or six Dodger relievers. Stults, of course, was starting in place of David Wells, who is serving his seven-game suspension from earlier in the year. It's too bad no one will suspend Mark Hendrickson just on sheer principle. Actually, there was some good news on Wednesday. Russell Martin —who injured his knee in Tuesday's game—got a clean bill of health (meaning he'll catch the next 118 innings), and Randy Wolf—who's out for the season—underwent successful shoulder surgery (meaning he'll be healed just in time to join the Giants next year and go 14-3). Also, Nomar Garciaparra is off the DL, but unless you're 12 years old or an opposing pitcher, you can't really consider that good news. September
3, 2007 -
Dodgers 11, Cubs 3 Loaiza's base hit was part of the Dodgers' 13-hit attack. James Loney and Andy LaRoche each had big hits, and birthday boy Luis Gonzalez scored three runs before blowing out his forty candles. Simultaneously, it seems, the Dodgers are getting older and younger. The additions of Loaiza, Mark Sweeney, Roberto Hernandez, and David Wells-among others-are giving the Dodgers an increased senior citizen presence while the call-ups of LaRoche, Jonathan Meloan, and Chin-Lung Hu are giving fans a glimpse of the guys who'll be disappointing them for many years to come. (Hu is also, of course, giving Vin Scully his first real-life opportunity to use Abbott & Costello's routine.) Monday's win was the Dodgers second in a row. That normally isn't something worth pointing out, but since they pretty much need to win about twelve in a row, two gives them a humble headstart.
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Keeping their heads above water in the Wild Card
race (mathematically, at least) for another day, the Dodgers put
an end to their seven game losing streak on Sunday, blasting the
Diamondbacks, 7-1. How exciting.
Immersed in a pathetic losing streak and going up
against Brandon Webb on Saturday, the Dodgers might as well have
waved the white flag before the game even started. Instead, they
did it over the course of three hours, playing like a team not only
without a playoff spot, but a team without pride as well.
Despite the Dodgers' fifth loss in a row on Thursday
afternoon, there was definitely some good news for the team. First,
Jonathan Broxton didn't give up a home run. (Even though he didn't
play, you still have to consider it an accomplishment.) Second,
Mark Hendrickson lowered his ERA to 5.26. And third, there are now
only nine games left to this waste of a season.
The next time a Dodger player tells the media "It's
not do or die," they're absolutely right—because as of
Tuesday, they're already dead. Officially. Ok, not officially, but
you're either bad at math or just a complete idiot if you can still
belt out a "Go Blue!" with sincerity.
The good news for Esteban Loaiza was that he gave
up just one hit on Sunday. The bad news was that he pretty much
walked everyone else—and the one hit was a 3-run homer. The
homer—a shot in the second inning by Chris Snyder after walks
to Mark Reynolds and Stephen Drew—was more than enough to beat
the Dodgers, who flailed away on the bases and at the plate. Esteban
Loaiza bunted into a double play to end the third inning, Jeff Kent
was picked off first to end the fourth inning, and Mike Lieberthal—who
should have been sacrificing with two on and nobody out in the fifth—grounded
into a double play instead. (Apparently Grady Little was overwhelmed
by Lieberthal's one RBI this year and didn't want to take such a
hot bat out of his hands.)
Dodger fans attending Friday night's game were doubly
lucky. First, they scored themselves a Tommy Lasorda bobblehead.
Then, they actually watched the Dodgers score off of Arizona nemisis
Doug Davis. With a record that's barely over .500, Davis is nothing
special—except when he's facing the Dodgers, of course. Prior
to Friday, Davis hadn't allowed an earned run in four career starts
against the Dodgers. That streak ended quickly on Friday night when
James Loney doubled in Rafael Furcal in the first inning. (Shocking
what happens when the leadoff man gets on.)
With Derek Lowe nursing a sore hand because he forgot
how to catch, Chad Billingsley went to the mound Wednesday trying
to give the Dodgers an opportunity stay afloat in the Wild Card
race (which is more of a Wild Card trot). A loss on Wednesday would
have put the Dodgers 4-1/2 back of the Padres and on a clear path
to inevitable elimination. Well, they're still on that path to inevitable
elimination, but at least now they're only 2-1/2 back after Billingsley
threw six innings of one-run ball. James Loney went 3-for-4 including
a 2-run homer in the fourth inning, and Jeff Kent connected for
his team-leading 20th home run of the season. Wow, twenty home runs.
That moves him into 38th place in the National League.
After sliding headfirst into first base to end the
8th inning, Andre Ethier emerged in the top of the ninth with a
cotton ball shoved up his nostril to stop the bleeding. The Dodgers,
however, are going to need a lot more than a cotton ball to stop
the bleeding now. After losing 9-4 to the Padres on Tuesday, a case
of tampons from Costco might not even be enough. But I'd like to
shove each one into Grady Little's empty head.
Here's why the Dodgers won't be in the playoffs:
It's the middle of September and the manager is more concerned with
his best pitcher's record than he is the result of the game itself.
Having made just 81 pitches into the eighth inning on Sunday, Brad
Penny was lifted by Grady Little after giving up a leadoff double.
Little's reasoning? "He was pitching far too good a game to
get in position to lose a game right there." On behalf of all
Dodger fans, huh? He was pitching too well, so you had to
take him out? He didn't deserve to lose, so you bring in other guys
to lose instead of him? And what the hell does not deserving to
lose have to do with anything? The Dodgers are supposedly fighting
to keep their postseason hopes alive and he's worried about Penny's
record dropping to 15-5?
After Friday night's bullpen implosion, the Dodgers
had to be hoping for nothing less than a perfect game out of David
Wells on Saturday. Unfortunately, Wells was only perfect into the
sixth inning. Fortunately, that was long enough to lead the Dodgers
to an eventual 6-2 victory over the Giants.
For the second time in four games, a Dodger starting
pitcher has given up a home run on the second pitch of the game.
And for the second time in four games, it didn't matter. Any mistakes
Derek Lowe made on Thursday—and there weren't too many until
the seventh inning—were far outweighed by the performances
of the Dodger kids. (I'm not counting Jonathan Broxton as a kid,
partially because he had a crappy game, and partially because no
kid weighs 400 pounds.)
As of Wednesday, the Dodgers are only three games
out of the Wild Card race with twenty-three to play. Three of those
twenty-three will come against the Padres, who lead the Wild Card.
You'd like to think that gives the Dodgers a great chance to gain
ground. You'd like to think that, but then you see this pop up on
your screen: Brett Tomko is now a Padre. Mark your calendars for
9/12, the day Tomko shuts out the Dodgers.
Winning just often enough to make it seem like they're still in
the race, the Dodgers beat up the Cubs on Monday, 11-3. Although
Esteban Loaiza's Dodger debut didn't get off to an auspicious start
(Alfonso Soriano hit his second pitch into the bleachers), he settled
down to throw seven strong innings. He also singled in two runs
in the top of the fourth inning—which makes him as productive
as Olmedo Saenz has been over the last month and a half.