.2006

> 12.19.06 - Daily News
In a year when Einar Diaz went 2-for-3, Rafael Furcal avoided a DUI, and Jeff Kent actually seemed to get along with his teammates, the Daily News names Ned Colletti the Los Angeles Sportsperson of the Year? Just plain wrong.

> 12.12.06 - Jayson Werth
The Dodgers declyned to make an arbitraytion offer to Jayson Werth on Tuesday, likely ending the outfielder's greyt career with the Dodgers. Stupid extra Y.

> 12.6.06 - Theo Epstein
$107 million for J.D. Drew and Julio Lugo? Red Sox fans deserve better. (Although, Theo, maybe you could find a way to take Mark Hendrickson while you're at it.)

> 12.5.06 - Ned Colletti
If Ned hadn't freaked out like a little girl when J.D. Drew exercised his option, you know damn well that Scott Boras would have tried to work something out between Greg Maddux and the Dodgers. Instead, Maddux is with the Padres for a salary the Dodgers could have swallowed. Asshole.

> 12.2.06 - Dave Roberts
Should be really fun watching Roberts slap a base hit up the middle to lift the Giants over the Dodgers in late September. Jolly asshole.

> 11.22.06 - Major League Baseball
What the F is going on? Danys Baez blows nine saves in sixteen opportunities last season, and the Orioles reward him with $19 million? Holy Christ.

> 11.22.06 - Frank McCourt
The Dodgers fired trainer Matt Wilson on Monday because it was his fault that guys like Garciapparra, Gagne, and Kent couldn't stay healthy. Uh-huh.

> 11.20.06 - Ned Colletti
The Dodgers signed catcher Ken Huckaby to a minor league contract and invited him to spring training. Huckaby, 35, has batted .222 over parts of six seasons in the majors. This is the same 22nd round draft pick they gave up on back in 1997. Big move, Ned.

> 11.16.06 - Vero Beach residents (Sandy Koufax excluded)
Enough with Vero Beach residents whining about possible losing the Dodgers to Arizona. When DB visited in '05, you were the same old bastards who gave us dirty looks because California folk were in your precious little bar. Screw Florida, and screw you.

> 11.9.06 - Scott Boras
Scott Boras gives new meaning to the word 'greed'.

> 11.5.06 - Scott Boras
Greg Maddux, who a couple months ago wasn't even sure he was going to pitch again next year, is apparently now seeking a 2-year deal. You think maybe Scott Boras had something to do with that?

> 10.14.06 - You people
To all the emailers who are pissed that I haven't written for a week: BLOW ME. If you haven't noticed, the Dodgers got knocked out of the playoffs. What do you want me to write about? That Jason Repko rode his bike to the supermarket on Friday? That Nomar got hurt flushing the toilet at home? That James Loney read a fucking book? Please.

> 10.7.06 - Abner Doubleday
Baseball brings nothing but pain and misery. It's a dumb sport and a complete waste of time. Abner Doubleday is an asshole. (And if he's not the one who truly invented baseball, you know who you are... and you're an asshole.)

Honorable Mention to Shawn Green, who apparently couldn't find motivation in his $88 million Dodger salary, but finds motivation in beating his old team. Thin bastard.

> 10.5.06 - Grady Little
Someone may want to tell Grady Little that he can't have Julio Lugo's baby, no matter how much playing time he gives him. Putz.

> 10.4.06 - Joe Beimel
Thanks, Joe. Loved watching Brad Penny in the 7th inning on Wednesday.

> 10.3.06 - Joe Beimel
So, Joe says he cut his hand getting a drink of water in the middle of the night? Bullshit. That hair screams alcohol.

> 10.1.06 - Barry Bonds
Since Sunday's game might have been the last that Bonds ever plays against the Dodgers, we'd like to thank him for giving us—over the last fourteen years—just another reason to hate the Giants.

> 9.30.06 - Joe Morgan
How do you like it now, you little shit?

> 9.29.06 - Grady Little
Note to Grady: Instead of putting Julio Lugo in the lineup, how 'bout you just bend each Dodger fan over a chair and give them a rectal exam with a pair of garden shears? Asshole.

> 9.27.06 - Walter Alston
It was on this day 70 years ago that Walter Alston struck out in his only Major League at-bat. Had he not struck out, he might have been given another chance. And had he been given another chance, he might have stuck around. And had he stuck around, he might have had a great playing career. And if he had a great playing career, he might never have become manager of the Dodgers. And had he not managed the Dodgers, the table might never have been set for Tommy Lasorda to manage the Dodgers. And had Lasorda not managed the Dodgers, he'd surely be selling insurance in Topeka. And if he was selling insurance in Topeka, he sure as hell wouldn't have ignored me as I passed him on Clark Street outside Wrigley Field two weeks ago. All because Walter Alston struck out. Asshole.

> 9.25.06 - Fox
More than eight years later, the Piazza trade is still killing the Dodgers. Monday night, Piazza had the big hit as the Padres won again, knocking the Dodgers two games back in the West. Thanks again, Fox. Assholes.

> 9.23.06 - Charlie Steiner
Hey Charlie, we understand that you're no Vin Scully, but when there's a fly ball hit deep to the outfield, here's a thought: Watch it go over the wall before pissing yourself and getting the thousands of people listening to you excited for no reason.

> 9.21.06 - Jim Tracy
Always nice to see that Jim Tracy is still a douche. He brings in a righthander to start the 8th inning just to pitch to the right-handed Jeff Kent—who singles. Tracy goes to the mound and then brings in a left-hander just to pitch to the left-handed hitting Drew—who singles. Having fun, Pittsburgh?

> 9.20.06 - Jeff Kent
Ninth inning, two outs, bases loaded. Come on, man, at least make contact.

> 9.18.06 - Julio Lugo
Four home runs in a row, and you fly out to right. Way to fuck it up.

> 9.17.06 - Grady Little
Since I firmly believe that it's never too late to call someone an asshole, let's turn back the clock to Thursday in Chicago. Dodgers are up 5-2, thanks to a clutch J.D. Drew home run that, might I add, came inches from my hands in the bleachers at Wrigley. Anyway, Brett Tomko comes in to pitch the bottom of the seventh, gives up a one-out hit up the middle, a two-out bunt single, and then another two-out hit. The Dodgers are now up 5-3, and Tomko looks shaky. Jonathan Broxton is standing in the bullpen, ready to come in, but Grady Little sticks with Tomko. Up comes Aramis Ramirez, who hits a fastball over the wall, and the Dodgers go on to lose 6-5. So why did Little leave Tomko in? Because he was due up the next inning, and bringing in Broxton in the 7th would have meant he'd only be pitching to a batter or two. So instead of using an extra pitcher (in September, when you've got 20 guys in the pen), you lose a huge game with two weeks left in the season. Grady Little, you're an enormous douche. Not to mention you're inexplicably in love with Marlon Anderson.

> 9.11.06 - Jeff Kent
Jeff Kent: 13 home runs.
Cody Ross: 12 home runs.

> 9.10.06 - Ned Colletti
While it's great to have a lot of guys on the roster, you're clearly confusing Grady Little. He had a tough enough time as it was when there were 25 guys on the roster. Now, when it gets to be the 6th or 7th inning every day, it looks like steam is going to come shooting out of his ears. Ned, do Grady a favor and reduce the roster to twelve.

> 9.7.06 - Brett Butler
Jose Reyes's inside-the-park home run on Thursday was the first against the Dodgers in nine years... which gets us thinking about the last one. On June 26, 1997, Tony Gwynn hit a sinking liner into left. Brett Butler, playing left field, made a diving attempt but couldn't come up with it. As he lay writhing in pain on the ground, Gwynn circled the bases. Shame on Brett, letting a 400-pounder run 360 feet unmolested.

ASSHOLE RUNNER-UP: Dodger Blues for initially writing that Gwynn's trip around the bases was 270 feet. Hey, we never claimed to have completed fourth grade.

> 9.4.06 - Grady Little
You've got fifteen pitchers in the bullpen, and you choose Giovanni Carrara when the game is still within reach? Douchebag.

> 9.2.06 - Vin Scully
We're ready for the hate mail, but we've got to do it: Vinny is Asshole of the Moment for expecting Dodger fans to applaud Vinny Castilla—and then being surprised when they didn't. First of all, it's not like this is Tony Gwynn we're talking about. This is Vinny Freakin' Castilla—a guy who'd have gone the way of Pete Incavigila had he played his career anywhere other than at Coors Field. Vinny Castilla? Who cares? Besides, how many people at the stadium even knew that Castilla was retiring after the season? Maybe seven? How many fans even remembered where they parked? Maybe fifty? Come on, Vinny.

> 9.1.06 - Frank McCourt
With the Dodgers playing well, it's easy to forget about Frank McCourt. He kindly reminded us of his presence on Friday, though, ruining three innings of a Scully broadcast with his salesman-like drivel. Sorry, Frank—we'd love to trust you, but we're just not there yet.

> 8.31.06 - Jhonny Nunez's parents
On Thursday the Dodgers acquired pinch-hitter extraordinaire (.240) Marlon Anderson from the Nationals in exchange for minor leaguer Jhonny Nunez. Jhonny? That's fcuked up.

> 8.30.06 - Ned Colletti
So, Ned is trying to acquire a left-handed pinch-hitter before baseball's other trading deadline on Thursday. Interesting how the Dodgers have been missing that lefty off the bench since, well, when Ricky Ledee was placed on waivers and ended up in New York.

> 8.29.06 - Stomach Flu
If you're wondering why there haven't been updates the last couple of days, all you have to do is take a look in my toilet.

> 8.28.06 - Technology
Yes, the DB Fan Forum is fucked up again. We're working on it. In the meantime, just go to the stadium and spray paint stuff about Mark Hendrickson on the outfield walls.

> 8.27.06 - Eric Gagne
According to a Dodger Blues spy, Eric Gagne spent Sunday afternoon sitting in the stands at Chase Field in a t-shirt, shorts, and a golf hat. He seemed completely disinterested in watching the team that's paying him $10 million, and showed no life when the Dodgers broke the game open in the 6th inning. "I didn't expect E.G. to draw too much attention to himself, start the wave, or talk smack to the retirement home DBack fans," writes the spy, "but a little enthusiasm would have been nice." Gagne then left in the eighth inning, unwilling to watch a man half his weight do the job that was once his own. No Jayson Werth sightings, however.

> 8.25.06 - Aaron Sele
Aaron Sele starts the 15th inning on Friday night by walking Brandon Lyon—a goddamn relief pitcher in his first major league at-bat. That gives the Diamondbacks an extra batter in the inning, and that extra batter hits a walk-off home run. Way to go, Aaron, you 74-year-old bastard.

> 8.23.06 - Umpiring Crew
What a bunch of assholes. First, umpire Chris Guccione ejects Julio Lugo after the 120-pounder throws his helmet in anger after grounding out. Guccione wrongly assumed Lugo was pissed about the call and gave Lugo the boot. Good job with the correlation, Chrissy. Then, in the fifth inning, after home plate umpire Rick Reed ejected Grady Little, Reed went to the mound clearly trying to incite Brad Penny. You could see it in Reed's face—all he wanted to do is set Penny off. He said a few things to Brad, then apparently hit the right chord, as Penny snapped and was booted. Way to put on a show for Padres' fans, fuckholes.

> 8.22.06 - 'No Stopping' violators
Ok, this has nothing to do with the Dodgers, but these sons-of-bitches are as deserving of Asshole of the Moment as any Dodger has ever been. You know who we're talking about—the shitheads who park in the right lane between 7-9 a.m. and 4-7 p.m. despite no parking signs every ten feet and the absence of any other parked cars (a clear sign to anyone with three brain cells that, hmmmm, maybe I'm not supposed to park here right now). To those scum fuckers—most of whom are probably Giants fans—please just die.

> 8.21.06 - J.D. Drew
You'll have to forgive J.D. Drew for his lack of effort in the 5th inning on Monday when Todd Walker's drive fell for a double and tied the game. One day in San Francisco, the next in San Diego... it's tough adjusting to that altitude change.

> 8.20.06 - Julio Lugo
Eat something. We're begging you.

> 8.18.06 - Orel Hershiser
Clearly bitter that the Dodgers didn't hire him last winter, Hershiser put down the Dodgers/Giants rivalry while hyping the Yankees-Red Sox series on Sportscenter. "They can say what they want in LA, but I played in it and the east coast rivalry is better." While that may be true, screw him for saying so and selling us out. Asshole.

> 8.16.06 - Dodger Blues
Thanks to eighty-five of you who felt the need to email us with threats and anger, we have fixed yesterday's mistake. We wrote that the Dodgers were 2-1/2 games up when they were actually a whopping 3-1/2 games up. We deeply apologize for such a terrible, terrible error and the trouble it may have caused your family.

> 8.15.06 - Amanda Roy
This email came to us from Neil in Sherman Oaks: "I have a nomination for Asshole of the Moment. My friend, Amanda Roy, has been to one Dodger game in the last couple of months, and which game was it? The 3-1 loss to the Rockies to break up the winning streak. The last game I went to with her - Gagne's blown save to end the streak. She's a great girl and a huge fan but the ultimate streak killer. Asshole."

> 8.13.06 - Joe Morgan & Jon Miller
Jon Miller and Joe Morgan, who would have shaved Maddux' nutsack when he was playing for Atlanta and Chicago, spent the first two innings on Sunday talking about how Maddux can no longer hit his spots. One pitch was about two inches from where Russell Martin set up, one caught a little too much of the plate, and one caused Martin to—hold your breath—actually move his arm. How long before they just chant BEAT L.A. on the air? Assholes.

> 8.10.06 - '95 Dodger Fans
It was on this date in 1995 that the Dodgers had to forfeit a game against the Cardinals after Dodger fans threw promotional souvenir baseballs onto the field—for the third time in six innings. (Incidentally, most of the fans had better arms than Mark Guthrie, who pitched that night.)

> 8.9.06 - Dodgers on Demand
On Wednesday the Dodgers announced the launch of a digital cable channel that provides around-the-clock Dodger content. Terrific, because we all need our James Loney fix at 4 a.m.

> 8.7.06 - Paul Lo Duca
As far as Dodger wives go, there have been some dogs over the years. And then there was Sonia Lo Duca. Smokin' hot, but apparently not hot enough. What, Paul, did she gain two pounds after having your kid? A-hole. (By the way, Sonia, we're here to comfort you.)

> 8.3.06 - J.D. Drew
Will someone please explain how J.D. Drew is batting .275 even though we haven't seen him reach base this season? He's clearly sleeping with the team statistician. Or at least going to bible readings with 'em.

> 7.31.06 - 2008 Tampa Bay Devil Rays
We can see the headline now—Devil Rays Are World Series Champs. Edwin Jackson, Chuck Tiffany, and Jae Seo pick up Series wins. Joel Guzman sets a World Series record with eight home runs. Dioner Navarro throws out the potential tying run with two outs in the ninth inning of Game Seven. Can't wait.

> 7.30.06 - Dioner Navarro
With the Dodgers, Navarro didn't throw out a single basestealer—the opposition was successful sixteen times. With Tampa Bay, he's thrown out 10 of 24. While the Tampa Bay pitching staff probably deserves some of the credit, screw him nonetheless.

> 7.29.06 - Steve Garvey
With the Dodgers handing out bobbleheads in his honor on Friday night, we think it's a good time to remind ourselves of the human disaster that is Steve Garvey. Among other things, the man had illegitimate kids, pitched shady weight loss pills, and screwed dozens of people on debts. Does the bobblehead at least have hairy arms?

> 7.28.06 - Christopher Hobdy
A pitcher for the Gulf Coast Dodgers in the rookie league, Christopher Hobdy was arrested this week for breaking into some of his teammates' rooms at Dodgertown and stealing cash and credit cards. Sounds like someone who'll end up in the Yankees organization.

> 7.26.06 - Brad Penny & Kenny Lofton
If you're gonna scream at each other in the dugout, at least do it during a night game so more fans can watch. In a season like this, we need all the entertainment we can get. Assholes.

> 7.25.06 - Dodgers.com
After Monday's loss to the Padres that put the Dodgers 5-1/2 games back and in last place all alone, the Dodger web site showed the team tied for third, a game and a half out of first place. Nice try.

> 7.24.06 - Olmedo Saenz
Here's a crazy idea: take a pitch. The lasagna will still be there when your at-bat is over.

> 7.23.06 - Chad Billingsley
Chad Billingsley suffered his third loss on Sunday, but he had a clarification to make after the game: "No one hit the ball hard except for Encarnacion." Oh, sorry, Chad. Our bad. It was an amazing performance. Your one strikeout was impressive. And those five walks? The umpire was squeezing you.

> 7.22.06 - Dodger Blues Forum
Yes, the Fan Forum was down, but by act of God, it's working again. Let the shit-talking commence.

> 7.21.06 - Grady Little
What the hell are you doing listening to us? We tell you to use Sandy Alomar more often, and you immediately use him with two outs in the ninth with the tying runs on base? What kind of stupid move is that? The guy doesn't even have a hit this month.

> 7.20.06 - Odalis Perez
Oh, sure, you pitch two scoreless innings on Thursday, maybe one more inning over the weekend, and before you know it you'll be back in the starting rotation... only to give up fourteen runs to the Milwaukee Brewers. You can't fool us. We smell your hair.

> 7.19.06 - Cesar Izturis
Ok, your wife had a baby. It's named Daniella. Awesome. Now stop being a goddamn nurse and play baseball.

> 7.17.06 - Ned Colletti
If there's so much as an ounce of truth to the rumor that Ned Colletti is pursuing Aaron Boone, he deserves to be Asshole of the Year.

> 7.16.06 - Jose Cruz, Jr.
Is there anything more putrid than watching this guy bat?

> 7.15.06 - Charley Steiner
Now that your eyes are fixed, Charley, maybe you should take a closer look at Juan Encarnacion's last name. Notice that there's only one 'r'.

> 7.13.06 - Odalis Perez
Talking about giving up the walk-off home run to Albert Pujols on Thursday night, Perez said that he was trying to throw a ball. Holy crap, trying to throw a ball? If he can't even throw a ball when he wants to, he's even worse than we thought. Anyone on this planet can pick up a baseball and throw a goddamn ball. But Odalis Perez can't? Wow.

> 7.11.06 - Phil Garner
What, did Carlos Beltran offer to comb Garner's moustache if he gets to play all nine innings of the All-Star game? Four at-bats for Beltran, and none for Nomar Garciaparra—the second best hitter in the league?

> 7.10.06 - Brad Penny
Big Bad Penny is AOTM not because he's bound to give up five runs in the first inning of the All-Star game, but because he was an axe away from looking like a lumberjack at the MLB press conference on Monday.

> 7.9.06 - Toby Hall
So, the newest Dodger isn't happy with his role as back-up catcher? Well, he can go to hell (or back to Tampa—same difference).

> 7.7.06 - Taylor Hicks
If we see one more goddamn Ford commerical with Taylor Hicks during a Dodger game, we're going to rip out our own livers, set fire to a Ford dealership, and personally beat the shit out of everyone in America who made that asshole a star.

> 7.6.06 - Paul DePodesta
Paul DePodesta signed Eric Gagne to a $19 million contract in January of 2005. Since Gagne is likely undergoing season-ending back surgery, and the Dodgers figure to buy out the option year on Gagne's contract for $1 million, we now know what the Dodgers got for their $20 million investment: EIGHT SAVES. Since you didn't graduate high school, allow us to do the math: $2.5 million per save. Not quite the $6 million the Dodgers paid Darren Dreifort per win, but impressive nonetheless.

> 7.5.06 - Dodger fans
There are billions of people living in Los Angeles, millions of them Dodger fans, yet only like twelve of you are taking time out of your busy masturbation schedule to throw Nomar a couple votes. It's certainly not the end of the world if he's not elected to the All-Star team, but what does it say about fans in L.A. if he's beaten out by a guy from Milwuakee, Philadelphia, or San Diego? You should be ashamed of yourselves.

> 7.4.06 - Ned Colletti
Jesus, Colletti can't come up with an idea of his own? Yesterday we suggested that Giovanni Carrara should be called up to replace Hong-Chih Kuo, and what do the Dodgers do today? Call up Carrara to replace Kuo. Hell, if we've got that much power, allow us to make another suggestion: dumping Odalis Perez off the Santa Monica Pier.

> 7.3.06 - Ned Colletti
On May 9th, the Dodgers signed Giovanni Carrara to a minor league contract and sent him to Las Vegas. That was almost two months ago. Since then, the Dodger bullpen has practically disintegrated, but there's still no sign of Carrara. Look, he's no prize, but he's sure as hell better than Hong-Chih Kuo. Did Colletti sign Carrara to help the major league team or to keep Vegas strippers busy?

> 7.1.06 - Paul DePodesta
Now that he's joined the Padres' front office, maybe DePodesta can find a way to trade Dave Roberts again.

> 6.30.06 - Danys Baez
With the Dodgers up by five runs, Baez threw a scoreless inning on Friday night. Unfortunately, all that means is that Grady Little now has enough confidence to use Baez in a critical situation later this weekend—and we all know what's likely to come of that.

> 6.29.06 - Odalis Perez
Odalis gives up four runs in the first inning on Wednesday? Fine. Odalis admits that he didn't make much of an effort to get a ground ball? Fine. Odalis thinks he made a quality start? Fine. But Odalis thinks that there's another team out there that's willing to pay a guy with a 6.84 ERA the $12 million remaining on his contract? Is he smoking crack?

> 6.27.06 - Joe Mauer
Who the hell do you think you are?

> 6.26.06 - Danys Baez
Any chance the Dodgers can leave him in Minnesota when they fly back West?

> 6.25.06 - John Purdin
It was on this date in 1968 that Dodger pitcher John Purdin gave up a grand slam to Bobby Bonds—in his first major league game. That slam opened the door to Bobby's huge career, which of course led to Barry's evil career. All because of a guy named John Purdin.

> 6.22.06 - Groz and Gas
Heard daily by six or seven people on 950 KJR in Seattle, these guys were cool enough to have Dodger Blues on the air recently... but then begged to be named Asshole of the Moment. And who are we to deprive people of that privilege? Assholes.

> 6.21.06 - Olmedo Saenz
Olmedo hears that Cesar Izturis might be taking over third base and suddenly he becomes an athlete? In the first inning Wednesday night, Saenz made a diving stop of a ball down the line, spun on his knees, and flung the ball to second base for a force play. It was the play a lanky 22-year-old kid makes, not a 35-year-old pinch-hitter who weighs 230. Where the hell did that come from? Cesar, you've got competition.

> 6.20.06 - Ned Colletti & Grady Little
Let us get this straight. Ned Colletti and Grady Little have had seven months to prepare for the return of Cesar Izturis, have known for at least a month that his return was around the corner, have monitored his rehab assignment for the last few weeks, and on Tuesday—the day they take Cesar off the DL—decide that he's going to be a third baseman? Are they that retarded that they wouldn't even have him play an inning or two at third base while he was in the minors? It didn't occur to them until friggin' Tuesday that Bill Mueller's return is months away and third base isn't the place for Willy Aybar? It's amazing that Little and Colletti can spell their own names.

> 6.17.06 - Jae Seo
Dodger relievers pitch eight scoreless innings on Saturday night, and Jae Seo can't throw a friggin' strike. Asshole of the Moment is made for guys who walk in the winning run.

> 6.16.06 - Adam Melhuse
Struck out in his only at-bat as a Dodger. Goes 3-for-4 against them on Friday.

> 6.14.06 - Joel Guzman
After Joel Guzman was sent down to Triple-A on Tuesday, what did he have to say? "I've got nothing to say," he said. Nothing to say? How about say you'll play hard and give the Dodgers every reason to bring you back up. Say that you're thankful that they gave you a chance and you hope to be back soon. Say that you're disappointed, but you understand that the Dodgers had to make room on the roster for Chad Billingsley. Guzman is clearly jealous of guys like Matt Kemp, Andre Ethier, and Willy Aybar, and is far too full of himself to do anything but pout. He bitched and whined when Kemp was called up before him, and now he's clearly pissy about being the first one to go back to the minors. Mark our words, this dude is a problem.

> 6.12.06 - David Ross
David Ross, who hit two home runs for the Reds on Monday, is now batting .347—exactly 346 points higher than he ever hit as a Dodger.

> 6.11.06 - Odalis Perez
It was reported on Saturday by the Press-Telegram that since losing his starting spot, Odalis Perez has also stopped his O’s 45’s program, where he bought 45 tickets for inner-city school children to attend his starts. He said he wouldn't re-instate the program now that he's starting because he felt he never got enough credit for his charitable contributions. “When you spend your own money, you want to be recognized for that,” Perez said. “I don’t want to be a hero, but just pay more attention to what I’m doing. People don’t want to give me the recognition for it.” You want recognition, Odalis? Well, we all recognize that you're a dickhead. How's that?

> 6.9.06 - Jim Leyritz
Jim Leyritz, a drug abuser? The one home run he hit for the Dodgers in 2000-- tainted? Down come the Leyritz posters off our wall. Sad, so sad.

> 6.7.06 - Eric Gagne
Goddammit, you fat Canadian, do you ever learn? "I feel great... never better... my arm is amazing... I can lift a train." Oh yeah, Eric? Then why, after two freaking appearances, do you have inflammation in your elbow? Hmmm... shocking, couldn't see that one coming. Speaking of which, did the team doctors and trainers go to medical school in friggin' Kenya? Do they know anything about sports injuries or were they all just picked up off of Craigslist? Good times.

> 6.6.06 - Luke Hochevar
Well, it turns out that pitcher Luke Hochevar and his agent Scott Boras are a perfect match for eachother: they're both supreme assholes. Hochevar, picked 40th overall by the Dodgers in last year's draft and insulted that they only offered him $2.9 million, was chosen Tuesday by the Kansas City Royals with the first pick. "The Dodgers felt I was not worthy to be paid with the top pitchers from last year's draft," said Hochevar on Tuesday. It's safe to say we speak for all Dodger fans and the Dodger organization when we wish Luke a career full of hernias, Tommy John surgeries, broken ribs, 20-loss seasons, irritable bowels, and baldness. Enjoy pitching for the Royals, you miserable little prick.

> 6.4.06 - Grady Little
Note to Grady: Olmedo Saenz should not be in the starting lineup. Ever. He can barely move, he's a liability in the field, and his absence on the bench is often felt in the late innings of games that he starts. With plenty of young guys on the club who are actually capable of exercise, there's really no reason to be starting Olmedo.

> 6.3.06 - Fernando Valenzuela
It was on this day, seventeen years ago, that the Dodgers and Astros played 22 innings. The Dodgers lost after Fernando—who was playing first base—couldn't stab a line drive hit just over his head. A few less burritos and that game might still be going on.

> 6.1.06 - Tim Hamulack
The least this putz could have done is give up more than two runs in the ninth inning Thursday and give Grady Little a reason to bring in Eric Gagne. A fine time to actually get guys out.

> 5.31.06 - Ramon Martinez
With Jeff Kent on the shelf, Martinez finally gets a chance to play... and fouls a ball off his foot. What a douche.

> 5.29.06 - Brad Penny
So after embarrassing himself, his manager, and his teammates, Brad Penny tries to get sympathy by saying he's a gamer for pitching despite a sore shoulder. A gamer, or an idiot?

> 5.27.06 - Pat Borders
For the love of God, say it ain't so—Pat Borders has retired??? Sure, he's 65, was batting .181 at Vero Beach, and was 1-for-19 since being promoted to Las Vegas, but now who's going to mentor Dioner Navarro when he's sent down to single-A?

> 5.23.06 - Eric Gagne
"I haven't felt this good in a long time," Eric Gagne said Tuesday after throwing batting practice. "I'm fully healthy, and I don't worry about anything with my arm." Hmmm... sounds familiar. Where have we heard something like that before? Thinking... thinking... thinking. Oh yes, that's right, we've heard that EVERY GODDAMN TIME HE COMES BACK PREMATURELY FROM AN INJURY. Oh, but this time he really means it. Uh-huh.

> 5.21.06 - Grady Little
Yeah, the Dodgers are 11-3 in games that Russell Martin has started, but how about giving the guy a day off?

> 5.20.06 - Dodger Blues
For not having the time to update after the Dodgers beat the living shit out of the Angels on Friday night, we name ourselves the Asshole of the Moment.

> 5.18.06 - Grady Little
A friend of Dodger Blues happened to bump into Grady Little on the Third Street Promenade on Thursday afternoon. "Hey, Grady," he said, trying to get Little's attention. All he got in return was, as he told us, "the biggest blank stare I've ever seen. It's a look that screams, 'I'm not sure I have control over my bowels.'" Grady, you're alive... maybe act like it once in awhile.

> 5.16.06 - Adam Melhuse
Adam Melhuse, who was a total piece of crap as a Dodger (uh, going 0-for-1 in 2000), hit a grand slam for Oakland on Tuesday, his second home run in as many days. Jerk.

> 5.13.06 - Eric Gagne
Hurry up, asshole.

> 5.11.06 - Frank McCourt
Five years after signing a 20-year lease to continue training in Vero Beach, the Dodgers appear headed for Arizona. So intrigued with Arizona is Frank McCourt that he's apparently willing to blow $15 million to break the current lease. While Vero certainly takes a back seat to newer spring training complexes in terms of amenities and entertainment, the place wreaks of Dodger history. True, it also wreaks of old people, but leaving Vero would be yet another kick in the nuts for true Dodger fans.

> 5.9.06 - Jason Repko
It's one thing to hustle. It's quite another to attempt to leap over the right field pavilion. Maybe take it down a notch.

> 5.7.06 - Ned Colletti
Duaner Sanchez, considered expendable by Ned Colletti, has pitched 21 scoreless innings for the Mets this year. For the record, that's a 0.00 ERA. And for the record, the Dodger bullpen has an ERA of 5.24.

> 5.6.06 - Russell Martin
Granted it was on a pitch out, but Martin actually had the nerve to throw out a baserunner on Saturday night, forcing us to update our tally for the first time. Stupid kid.

> 5.5.06 - Dodger bullpen
After another collapse on Friday night, it's becoming increasingly clear that the Dodger bullpen serves no purpose whatsoever. Therefore, we propose turning it into a park. Add a few trees, some benches, maybe an Eric Gagne commemorative plaque. Lock the bullpen gate and throw away the f'ing key.

> 5.4.06 - Frank McCourt
Hold it, Frank. Put down the pink slip and take two steps backward. We know you're tempted to fire Ned Colletti because the Dodgers suck balls, but at least give it until June.

> 5.2.06 - Odalis Perez
Odalis Perez doesn't know how to pitch with a six run lead. Nor can he throw a ball to second base. Nor does he know how to execute a rundown. What can he do? Well, he can spend $24 million. Just not on haircuts, apparently.

> 4.30.06 - Danys Baez
When you issue two walks with the bases loaded in the ninth inning, you're Asshole of the Moment. No two ways about it.

> 4.28.06 - Jae Seo
Seo pitched a gem in San Diego on Friday night, throwing six scoreless innings... which figures to buy the mediocre starter another six weeks in the rotation.

> 4.26.06 - Phil Garner
With the Astros up by six runs, Phil Garner pulled pitcher Ezequiel Astacio in the ninth after he loaded the bases. What an asshole. Would have loved him to take a page from the Tracy/Little Book of Managing and leave Astacio in the game until the tying run was on third. (By the way, Garner is also an asshole for hitting .190 for the Dodgers in 1987.)

> 4.24.06 - Player to be Named Later
The Dodgers traded Cody Ross to the Reds on Monday for a player to be named later, and while there's no telling who that player will be, there's a good chance he'll be an asshole.

> 4.23.06 - Shawn Green
What, now that he's a Diamondback, he's not allergic to the grass at Dodger Stadium? Green, who refused to get dirty when he was on the Dodgers, robbed Ricky Ledee of an extra base hit with a diving catch in the 3rd inning Sunday. Putz.

> 4.22.06 - J.D. Drew
Third inning, fly ball to right center. Drew cruises over, reaches out, and the ball deflects off his glove. Not the easiest play, but if the dude wasn't afraid to dive, Tony Clark wouldn't have ended up on second base, Damion Easley wouldn't have knocked him in, and the Diamondbacks may not have edged the Dodgers by a run. Fragile bastard.

> 4.18.06 - Frank McCourt
According to the Orange County Register, the Dodgers are entertaining the idea of holding an Indy Racing League road-course race in the stadium parking lot and streets surrounding the stadium. Up next for Frank: a Wal-Mart in Lot 26.

> 4.17.06 - Grady Little
After the Dodgers scored an average of seven runs a game over the first ten games of the season, Grady Little made a few comments to the effect of, "You're damn right, we're going to score tons of runs all season." Since then, the Dodgers have averaged a run a game.

> 4.16.06 - John Miller
Jon Miller has been doing games on ESPN for thirteen years. During those thirteen years, there have been many Dominican ballplayers. Of those Dominicans, it's a good bet that at least a couple dozen have been named Perez. If you ask Jon Miller, however, they're not named Perez—they're named "Pair-ez." Odalis Pair-ez, says Miller. Well, we've got a little tip for Jon: You're a fat white dude. Stop trying to be Latin.

> 4.14.06 - Tommy John
Friggin' Tommy John gets his arm cut open, and thirty-two years later Yhency Brazoban is out for the year.

> 4.13.06 - Bleacher moron
Something tells us that peace will not prevail this weekend when Barry Bonds is standing in left field at Dodger Stadium. While Barry may deserve to have a Dodger Dog thrown at his head, the dickhead who actually does it is even more of an asshole.

> 4.11.06 - Rick Honeycutt
For the second consecutive game, Dodger pitchers gave up four home runs on Wednesday night. Clearly Rick Honeycutt's fault.

> 4.10.06 - Jim Tracy
Listen to this bullshit from Mr. Play-It-By-The-Book: "I don't believe in building a staff so that it looks right and you can create that cosmetic left-on-left matchup. Stuff gets big-league hitters out. Not service time. Not age. Not whether you're a right-hander or a left-hander. Stuff."

> 4.9.06 - Steve Garvey
If you weren't crazy about Steve Garvey before this weekend, you'll love him even more after reading a little of Sunday's LA Times. Mr. Clean, it seems, is saddled with debt and has made a habit of stiffing people to whom he owes money. If you start feeling bad for Steve, just look at that unctuous grin. What a slimeball.

> 4.7.06 - Eric Gagne
Eric Gagne might be one of the greatest Dodger pitchers ever, but he's definitely not the brightest. You'd think that after all of his injuries, all of his surgeries, and all of his recovery efforts, the dude would realize that it does no good to hide things from Dodger trainers. Sadly, though, he doesn't seem to get it. Apparently it wasn't until Wednesday that Gagne told Stan Johnston that he had been pitching in pain—for two friggin' months. Smart move, tough guy.

> 4.5.06 - Derek Lowe
Last season the dude was taking the drug Aderall—an appetite suppressant—and he didn't share any with Wilson Alvarez? What an asshole.

> 4.4.06 - Ned Colletti
Now that Nomar is on the DL, it's time to start assessing blame. Ned Colletti, welcome to L.A.

> 4.3.06 - Nomar Garciaparra
A fan favorite before he even joined his hometown team, Nomar Garciaparra was slated to be in the Dodger lineup Monday... until he told Grady Little that his side was sore. Sure, who can blame him—it must be heavy to carry around $6 million dollars.

> 4.2.06 - Choi mourners
There are three things we'll simply never understand: (1) trigonometry, (2) the popularity of boba drinks, and (3) the fact that people still believe Hee Seop Choi is destined for greatness. In four seasons, Choi has hit .240 with an OBP of .349. Aside from a freakish weekend last season, the guy showed little evidence that he was improving as a major leaguer—neither with the bat, nor the glove. Yet, a week after the Dodgers put him on waivers, the prevailing sentiment in baseball circles is that the Dodgers let the big one get away. ARE YOU PEOPLE ON CRACK?

> 3.31.06 - Rex Hudler
In anticipation of having to listen to this guy during the freeway series, Rex is our AHOTM. Smuggled anything lately, Rex?

> 3.29.06 - Grady Little
On Tuesday afternoon, Rafael Furcal winced in pain while running from first to third. Grady Little ran out on the field, talked to Furcal, and left him in the game. Seconds later, Furcal slid head-first into home and rolled over on his back. "The last thing we want is for somebody to get hurt right now," Little later said, covering up the fact that the last thing that he really wants is to piss off one of his players by being the bad guy.

> 3.28.06 - You bastards
Yeah, yeah, Hee Seop Choi is now with the Red Sox. You think we don't know? Stop fucking emailing us. Unlike your world, ours doesn't stop the minute anything happens with the Dodgers. Believe it or not, sometimes we've got other things to do. Go to hell.

> 3.27.06 - Paul DePodesta
When the Red Sox claimed Hee-Seop Choi off waivers from the Dodgers on Friday, it closed yet another chapter in Paul DePodesta's book of failures. Next chapter: Dioner Navarro hits .083 in 2006.

> 3.22.06 - Sandy Koufax
It was nice of Sandy to spend some time tutoring a few pitchers earlier this week, but wasting time with D.J. Houlton? Jesus.

> 3.20.06 - Derek Lowe
"I throw the first pitch down the middle," Lowe commented earlier this week. "It's that important to me to get ahead in the count. Even if a guy hits it, it's not jacking up my pitch count." The pitch count is most important to Lowe? What about the way his uniform looks? A-hole.

> 3.18.06 - Pat Borders
As if having seven kids wasn't enough, it seems Pat Borders gave them all names that start with the letter 'L'. He must have been a big Lee Lacy fan. Either that, or he's just an asshole.

> 3.14.06 - Hee-Seop Choi
The dude can't hit major league pitching during the season, but put him in a Korea uniform and he hits a pinch 3-run homer against the U.S. Team. Despite the fact that we couldn't care less about the WBC, that's an a-hole move.

> 3.12.06 - Mike Venafro
All these years we thought former Dodger Mike Venafro sucked because... well, because he sucked. Turns out, however, he's just an idiot. It seems that Venafro, now with the Mets, has legs that are slightly different lengths. Ok, fine—it's not that abnormal a problem. Here's the fun part, though: According to the New York Daily News, he's been wearing a one-third-inch pad in the wrong shoe for years, basically doubling the difference between his leg lengths rather than correcting it. This is quite possibly the greatest baseball story of the last 50 years.

> 3.8.06 - Ken Landreaux
Landreaux, who enjoyed seven seasons with the Dodgers in the 80's, will visit Dodgertown and serve as a guest instructor. Not sure why that makes him an asshole, but how else would we have the opportunity to bring up his name?

> 3.4.06 - Ticketmaster
Against our better judgement, we tried to buy some Dodger tickets online Saturday morning. All went fine until Ticketmaster didn't like the mailing address we entered. So we entered it again. And again. And again. "You have one minute to complete this page," it warned. Then, "You have 45 seconds to complete this page." After the third attempt, it threatened that if we didn't input the correct information in the next 30 seconds, our tickets would be released. Which is exactly what happened. Hey Ticketmaster, FUCK YOU. What the hell are we paying a service charge for if you provide NO service? Suck our balls, you evil pricks.

> 3.2.06 - Dodgers' offense
The Dodgers began the Grapefruit League exhibition season in fine form Thursday, pounding out four hits and failing to score an earned run. Is it too early to throw in the towel? Fine, we'll give it a week.

> 2.25.06 - Gary Sheffield
Years after leaving Los Angeles, Gary Sheffield is still bitching about his treatment as a Dodger. "This is how it happened in L.A.," he said on Friday, talking about his current contract situation with the Yankees. "They [the Dodgers] wanted to sign me to an extension. I didn't go to them, but when I didn't want to go through with it, I'm the bad guy, the greedy guy. In a war of words, like with the Dodgers, nobody wins." Wrong, Gary, we won, since we don't have to listen to your shit anymore.

> 2.24.06 - Milton Bradley
Milton Bradley broke his brief silence on Saturday, saying "I'm not going to cause problems." He then caused his first problem with the A's, telling reporters, "I really don't want to deal with the media this spring."

> 2.22.06 - J.D. Drew
J.D. Drew welcomed his first child on Tuesday, creatively naming the kid J.D. Since when is he Dominican?

> 2.20.06 - New York Mets
As if there aren't enough, here's another reason to hate a team from New York: the Mets have given spring training invitee Jose Lima number 42. That number, of course, belongs to Jackie Robinson, and belongs on no one else. Major league baseball retired the uniform number nine years ago, but because Lima briefly wore the number before then (as a member of the Astros in 1997), he's apparently entitled to wear it. Officially entitled perhaps, but not justified. The Dodgers, Royals, and Tigers all denied Lima the opportunity to wear #42—and rightly so. The Mets, however, have gladly handed it over, eager to please a pitcher likely to lose 15 games. Douchebags.

> 2.19.06 - Barry Bonds
So, Barry says that 2006 will be his last season. Says he's tired of the crap. Says he's tired of people hassling him about steroid use. Says the game isn't fun anymore. Well, Barry, you know why the game isn't fun? Because of assholes like you. Enjoy retirement, putz. May the image of Sid Bream rounding third haunt you the rest of your life.

> 2.15.06 - Jeff Weaver
As the second best Weaver on the Angels, at least now Jeff will have a legitimate reason to be a grumpy bitch.

> 2.11.06 - Rickey Henderson
After being hired as a coach with the New York Mets on Friday, 47-year-old Rickey Henderson told reporters "In my mind, I'm not really done playing." Well guess what, Rickey—you're done. Announce your goddamn retirement. You think that if you have a good season coaching, the A's are going to sign you to play centerfield next season? Douchebag.

> 1.29.06 - Kevin Towers
Still trying to get back at the Dodgers for stealing Kevin Brown away from the Padres in '99, the San Diego GM has signed Mike Piazza to a 1-year deal. (Apparently Towers forgets that with Kevin Brown, the joke was on the Dodgers.) Piazza joins former Dodgers Chan Ho Park, Eric Young, Dave Roberts, and David Ross in San Diego. With the Piazza signing, there are now more Dodgers on the Padres than Dodgers on the Dodgers.

> 1.27.06 - Frank McCourt
It's been a good three weeks since McCourt was last named Asshole of the Moment, possibly the longest stretch since he bought the team. The streak has come to an end, however, as McCourt has apparently fired the team's clubhouse manager. Dave Dickinson, who had been with the Dodgers for 15 years, was dismissed on Tuesday. You fire a manager, fine. You fire a GM, whatever. You fire the head of marketing, it happens. But the goddamn clubhouse manager? Apparently McCourt is running out of people to blame. Note to the poor bastards who work in the parking booths: you're next.

> 1.26.06 - Ned Colletti
Ned, just because a player is old enough to remember stirrups doesn't mean he's a good fit for the Dodgers. Christ, man... sign a guy who knows how to use the internet.

> 1.21.06 - Scott Boras
Jeff Weaver deserves a 5-year, $55 million deal, his agent Scott Boras kept saying. The Dodgers didn't bite. Neither did any other team. Now it appears Weaver will have to settle for a one-year deal from a team yet to be determined. What an asshole.

> 1.14.06 - Nomar Garciaparra
Despite having fought injuries since '03, Garciaparra announced on Saturday that he'll play for Mexico in the World Baseball Classic. Forget about the fact that he grew up in Whittier—he's a dick for signing an $8 million contract with the Dodgers and then risking injury in games that don't mean a thing.

> 1.3.06 - Frank McCourt
Since Dodger Blues was on vacation when new broke of McCourt's secret plan to ruin a team in the NFL, allow us to take this occasion to give him the proper recognition. Not only did he completely ignore the fact that the City had already come to a consensus on the Coliseum site, he clearly took time away from his manager and general manager searches to fuck around with the NFL. Even more insulting is the fact that the douchebag had to disguise his plan by calling it the "Five Ton Gorilla." (To be fair, however, he might have been referring to the retirement of Wilson Alvarez.)